Motherhood: My Crazy Life

Gymnastics Round #2

2012-01-27T16:13:00.003-06:00

When our first Alex was in Gymnastics, I never imagined we would have another do it. Then when Mia came along I thought maybe she might be into girly things, but who knew having 2 brothers ahead of her she might play with hotwheels and want to do sports for all I knew. lol This is her 3rd month in Gymnastics and the kid is loving it. She just turned 5 a few weeks ago but is the smallest kiddo in her beginner class. She is trying hard, she's still a bit shy but she's breaking out of her shell more and more each week. :)

Kids Break Stuff

2012-01-24T08:29:00.002-06:00

We've had a fair share of things ruined around our place. Cell phones dropped in the toilet, fish killed with a book of matches thrown in a tank, permanent marker all over wood, sofas peed on, glass shattered dishes, a gallon of veggie oil poured on the carpet last month. :/

Nothing prepared us for our son smacking our 50 inch TV breaking the screen. Oh the horror. I really thought my hubby would kill both Rocco for doing it and me for not paying attention to him. $1,000 down the drain. It's been 4 days now and it's actually not bad with no TV in the living room. Infact we're thinking about getting rid of the cable box now since it hasn't been used. The kids aren't seeming to mind. I hardly get to watch TV except for my 11 am love of Young and the Restless. We have a TV with bunny ears in the kitchen and cable in the basement if we really want to watch. I guess sometimes we don't always need what we THINK we need!

2011-12-07T14:33:00.003-06:00

Life in general has been great. There's been so much that's happened and I really don't know why I blog because I can't really fill it all back in, but I can try. lol

We've had a few birthdays lately. I'm not sure why it worked out that all my kids but 2 would be born around Christmas. We recently celebrated Sophia turning 3, Rocco turning 2, and Gianna will be 1 on January 31st. It's unbelievable to me that a year ago I was pondering if I would even be around for this Christmas. I remember last year at Christmas just thinking how if I started to bleed from the Percreta or surgery went bad, I would never see my kids next Christmas and it was very sad for me. I think that's why I had no problem saying "take it out" to the surgeons that day.

Seeing Gianna our last growing has been quite a trip. First I never had a baby 6 weeks early so she's been behind on everything. She is starting to stand, put it that way and she's 10 months! By this time all but 1 of my other kids walked everywhere. She is far from that. Mia took her time and started at 14 months so it'll be interesting to see if Gianna is the same. Second, she's the longest I've ever breastfed any of my kids. Sophia was second longest at 8 months, Rocco at 6 months, the others were between 2-4 months. She loves HER mommy's chest and though I love to do it, I'm about at that DONE stage. She is very aggressive and pinches, pulls and somedays I've just had enough of it. It's a bit hard to teach etiquette to a 10 month old! One day for giggles I took a baby doll and put it up to my nipple while she had been eating. She grabbed the doll by the hair and threw it back behind her!! I did it 3 times and every time it was the same thing. She's not sharing. lol

It's been hard seeing Rocco turn 2, I won't lie. I really wish he would stay a baby longer. The guy is on the run and not much for acting like a baby anymore. He cares less to be held or snuggled. He's doing well with everything except Speech. We have a SLP who comes to our house weekly and is working with him. He's at about a 9-12 month speech range they believe. He really likes his SLP though so that's good. She's already getting some sounds and such out of him. By this time next year he will be in preschool. With being in Early Intervention they usually will stick them in right at 3 years old no matter when their birthday to give them that extra boost.

Mia is in preschool this year which has been nice. The girls love playing together but need some time away from each other so I'm glad she's in. Sophia is very jealous of her sister being gone though. lol She can't wait till she gets to ride the bus. I think Sophia will be like Mia and really smart in school. She's only 3 but she counts, knows all her colors, etc. I'm not sure if we'll have her go next year or wait till her 4 yr old year.

One of the biggest issues we've had going on at our house lately is daddy and his health. We found out through a fluke eye Dr's appointment that Dave had high blood pressure. How? Well when the eye Dr was looking in his eyes they were blood shot which prompted her to grab a machine, which showed it was 180/110. So he immediately went to the Dr, they put him on meds. Then blood tests reveled that he had a crazy number for his triglycerides. So stuck him on cholesterol meds. And then....he started having chest pains. :s So after an EKG that came back normal they are unsure what his problem is. They think it's acid indigestion but not sure. It's been a roller coaster for sure. A friend of mine just lost her hubby at the ripe old age of 38 to a aortic aneurysm this week so it's really got me freaked out about what's been going on with him. This friend and hubby posted pics Saturday night at a Christmas party and then a few hours later he couldn't breathe, went to the ER. Discovered the problem, surgery and then died. It was in 8 hours time. Life is way too short.

In happier news, we discovered that we actually have a boy and a girl guinea pig a few weeks ago instead of 2 girls. We now have 6 guinea pigs when you count the litter of 4 that was born. :) I had about a 3 day notice that she was preggo. I discovered when I thought she was getting fat but then watching saw her stomach JUMP! Yes they were kicking inside and then wahla! Woke up at 4 am to help a kiddo and in the cage were these mysterious little babies. Aren't they cute??

Lots of updating to do...soon. lol!

2011-12-06T09:31:00.002-06:00

But for now here's a picture of our crew. I have lots to say... now just to find the time to say it. ;)

Miss Needy

2011-10-03T13:56:00.002-05:00

Gi is now 8 months old. Kind of hard to believe! It's went by so fast. Being born early she's going through life alittle slower than most. She is just now getting on her knees the past few days which is short lived but cute! We are just starting baby foods regularly with her. She is still as clingy as ever. The past 8 months in the evening have been torture for us all. She is still wanting to nurse pretty much from about 8pm till 11 pm. You put her down she starts screaming. I think I have become a giant pacifier for her and we are working on breaking her of it by distraction. Sometimes if I'm done with it (from pain lol) and just hold her, that works. She just wants comforted I guess and I don't want to deny her of feeling safe and loved. I've been wearing her when I absolutely have to get stuff done and she really enjoys it but it's starting to kill my back and neck. Saturday we were at Home Depot making helicopters and I had to take her off and let her sit on the floor she was just so heavy with me leaning over trying to nail the project together.

So we went home and I made a hip sling. lol! Wow what a better distribution of weight. She seems much happier now to as she can see the front and the back. I'll probably make a few more just to have in each car and one in my purse. The only downside to the sling is that she falls asleep and there's no where to put her head (unlike my carrier where she would just rest her head on me) So really it's a toss up on which is better. Most of my kids I wore to a certain age and then they were fine in the stroller or on the floor at home but not Miss Gianna. :)

Already dreaming of another..... :)

2011-09-06T13:23:00.004-05:00

My hubby and I are pretty pathetic. lol! Our little girl just turned 7 months and we are already talking about babies ....me just a tad more than he. lol Sure he wants another but he's not all goo goo gaga over it all. He just likes to be a dad. We started looking into doing Foster care to possibly adopt here in Kansas soon after G's birth. We quickly found out that Kansas has a regulation law to where only 6 children under the age of 16 are allowed or considered for a Foster family, that is including your children and the foster child. What a blow. I'm thinking right now to get to that (since we have 7 kids ourselves) it will be 7.5 years before another little one could come in our house. Our youngest would be 8! We've told several people about this which completely blows a persons mind when you think of how many kids in the world just need a loving home but then you've got laws saying you have too many kids so they won't let you do it. Our state will also on some occasions allow children to be adopted out of state so it got me a thinking.....what about OTHER state laws which might allow you to adopt from their state??

You would think there's probably not much of a difference but there is. Colorado you can have 8 in the home, Nebraska 9 kids in the home, Alabama unlimited of your own children with a max of 6 foster kiddos. We are still just throwing ideas around but what I have discovered is that Kansas has much stricter laws on this issue than other states. There are the ignorant people out there who will say the more kids you have, the less attention they get or the less material items they will have growing up. I would LOVE someone to say something like that to my very smart 11 year old. I could see her pulling out her Android tablet to show it off and say "do you have one of these because my friend's don't." lol The fact is it shouldn't matter how big your family is. It matters if you can love and help them live a better life than they currently do in the system. My hubby is all about me proving a point. I've wrote editorials in the paper, he's thinking I should write a letter and take it to Topeka! lol! Again my baby is only 7 months old. I am not ready to jump into anything just yet....or am I??? ;)

Siblings

2011-09-05T14:10:00.009-05:00

My kids are growing up fast. Hard to believe 6 years ago I couldn't really say too much about siblings and how exciting it was with several kids being close in age. I just had 2 and a baby 6 years ago! Today? I could go on for hours about the fun and madness!! My girls are especially the best of friends. Damien and Mia are always asking to have "sleep overs" in each others room so they can be together. They all are so in love with their baby sister and making her happy when she is crying. Rocco and Sophia are my little terrors into everything at the moment. lol! They seem to enjoy doing it together, that makes it more fun and more of a mess for me! I can't imagine having it any other way though.

Here's some recent pics....Sorry about the blurry one, it's the boys having fun at the Dr's office. It's too funny not to post. lol!

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Shopping for school.....frugally.

2011-08-11T15:30:00.002-05:00

We went school shopping the other day and boy was it fun! Back to school is bittersweet. I LOVE having the kids home for summer because we do all kinds of things and have so much fun but they thrive so much at school and are so happy to be there! There are certain holidays that make me giddy to shop for...Halloween, Easter, Christmas....to me school shopping is almost like another holiday!! The kids are so excited to get their cool new things and I love seeing them so happy but like most holidays, it gets expensive. I have found a few great ways to save on school supplies over the years. This is our 7th year of buying supplies and I've been pretty good at spending minimal money putting them in school. On supplies for 3 kids (my preschooler just needed a bag) we spent about $30 after I compared flyers and used coupons. I bought our shoes on clearance earlier in the year so 3 pairs of shoes for $37. I used $70 in reward dollars from Old Navy for their new clothes so they didn't cost anything. :) The biggest expense was paying for their tuition which was $50 per child. Here are some of the strategies I use here to save on one of the most expensive times of the year.

First always compare sales flyers so you can price match at one location for instance. You are going to see some great things to bring customers in the door on sale like .10 rulers but something else like Crayola crayons or glue might be more expensive at that store.
Buy off brand supplies. You can buy off brand crayons, glue, fiskars, plastic baggies can be store brand.
Don't forget about Amazon! I found several great deals this year on Amazon and supplies but I had already bought.
Buy now...buy a few extra if you think your kids are going to need it! Most of the time school supplies after the BTS sales end are almost twice what you paid for them. So I usually will buy just a few extra things to keep around the house hidden in a box just in case my kiddo comes home saying they used all their glue sticks.
Buy items in bulk. Several places this time of year will have kleenex or Puffs on sale in bulk. Not only does it knock some cents off the price, if you pair it with a coupon out of the paper you can make the deal even greater.
Check Sunday coupons for anything school related or coupons.com. There were several coupons out this year in which free pens were easy to acquire.
Reuse things you can get away with reusing again. We reuse bookbags for a few years, lunch bags, scissors, and school boxes. This year Mia got a new bag at Walmart for $4.88! She liked it because of the monkey and I liked it because of the price!
If you have rewards, use them. They have a great earning program we use through Old Navy with their credit card. Basically you earn bucks and I had $70 to spend. I was able to use the rewards to buy new clothes for the kids in which they had an awesome sale where their shirts were $5 and jeans were $10! Love Old Navy!!
Shop for next years supplies.....in September. If you do like to buy new backpacks and lunch bags alot of places such as Kroger, Walmart, and Target will reduce the prices extremely low rather than to send it back for credit. This is normally how my kids get new bags. I take them with me and we shop when it's about 75% off and I can get a backpack for $3.75. One year I discovered some very expensive Thermos bowls for $3 a piece so I bought 3 so the kids can have HOT food in their sack lunches.
Buy ahead! Buy Winter clothes, in the spring/summer! I am one that I never buy in season. Call me crazy but if I can buy my kids jeans on a clearance rack for $3 vs. $10+, I'm gonna do it. I have a special love for Kohls and Burlington Coat Factory with their ginormous out of season racks of clothes. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Pair that up with a percentage off sale and you've got some major cheap clothes.

One thing I would mention, if you have a few extra bucks, pick up some school supplies for the teachers. :) It's sooooo cheap and a bunch of glue stick you bought for next to nothing could really help a teacher out. These teachers with their limited budget are spending some of their own money to educate our kids. One of our favorite things to do at our school is pulling off a post it note on the Wish Tree. It's basically a tree on the wall with branches containing post it notes on things the teacher could really use. It makes a teacher's day and is also one of those things that makes you feel good that you were able to help out.

Happy Shopping! :D

Mommy Time again!

2011-08-11T10:41:00.006-05:00

Our summer ends next week. Like most mommies with little ones in school I am ready to get back to the routine. Seriously, I never thought that we would EVER sleep past 6:30 am in this house. This summer EVERYONE has been sleeping daily till about 8 or some days it was even near 9 am!! It's been nice for me because G and her colicky fits last till almost midnight sometimes. I've told my dh the past few weeks we have GOT to get ourselves back to 10:30 nights because he's having to get up by 6 am and I don't see how he does it let alone I HAVE to start getting up at 6 to get these kiddos ready for school. This year I have 3 FT and 1 PT afternoons in school. She will leave here at 11 because they feed her at school and she will come home at almost 4 on the bus with her siblings.

Along with getting back into the routine, I'm hoping to start doing some things I love again. With kids your passions are put on the backburner and I hate it! Everyone says you should always have kid free date nights with your hubby, well I think you should always have kid free time with your hobbies. I am still very much into couponing however this summer it's been really hard dealing with the day to day craze of having 7 kids. I could be doing "more" but it's very hard to get away to concentrate and work on organizing, filing and throwing out expireds. I'm still out there getting deals, this stuff below cost $8.00 the other day, I could just do alot more if I had more time. During the school year I am so organized and prepared, summer, not so much. lolSame with sewing. I had to do these from 10 pm-2 am TWO different nights. I could barely keep my eyes open. lol My goal now that the kids are going back is to have at least 1-2 hours a day ( their naptime during the week) to do my things. That's usually what I have done in the past and it is usually naptime which I consider MY TIME. :)

1-2 hours a day, I think I could make 1 dress a week, a little purse, organize lots of coupon trips. ;)
Or make more frilly little headbands and girl things. ;) Anyone else try to have their own Mommy Time?

6 months and PERFECT!

2011-08-01T10:18:00.002-05:00

In 6 months we've went from this little perfect little 34 week preemie.....

To this perfect little 6 month old! She is growing up so fast! She doesn't even appear to be the same baby. :)I always say how perfect she is and the reason being that with everything we were told with her having a Single Artery or double vessel cord, she had a 60-65% chance of having some sort of abnormality. Usually it's the heart but alot of the times it's their kidneys and sometimes they can have a form of Trisomy. Alot of the time they have IUGR when born. I always tell people that she got away from IUGR coming out at 6 lbs 2 oz at 34 weeks because I eat very badly!! She absorbed some of that fat for me! lol! When she was born they came over to my head and asked if i was aware of the SUA in which we said yes. They told us she appeared "perfect" but she of course would have to spend the day in testing. That day blew for me because I didn't see her for nearly 12 hours while they had her hooked up to machines. But finally the next day she was released to us and again we were told she looked perfect.

She is still behind quite a bit for being early but I have to keep reminding myself that her adjusted age is 1 1/2 months behind when she was born. So far she's able to roll front and back but she doesn't roll over and over and move far. She can hold her tummy up with her arms. She has discovered her hands and toes as of lately and can pinch and hold things. She sits well in the Bumbo and an exersaucer. We just sold her swing last week. She knows everyone's faces, always smiles. We're still having some colic issues but it's getting a bit better. Still cries but not as much. We just hold her alot until we go to bed. lol Still breastfeeding like a champ. :) She's perfect! ;)

2011-07-14T13:28:00.001-05:00

Our summer so far has been C R A Z Y!!!!!!

I think one of the worst things about summer break is the chaos that goes with it. I love having the kids home, I do not like NOT having a routine. Practices are sporadic, games all the time, running to 4-H meetings, all the other day summer activities, kids don't get to bed on time, we get up LATE which really drives me nuts. The kids all have love/hate relationships with each other.....no one listens to me!Even though it's been kinda nutty and I'm having a hard time keeping up, I'm trying to make it a good summer for them all. I know sometimes I say "no we can't do that" alot making the kids alittle mad.....

But there's truely not enough hours in the day to get everything they want to do and what I NEED to do done. But anyways here's a little bit of our summer so far! We started out with a bang. First week off we had Basketball Camp. Both boys went this year which was nice because Damien I think felt left out the previous years but this year he was old enough! Then Alex took 2 weeks away for 2 different church camps. During that time we started swimming lessons. Alex was came back at the end and helped me with the kids keeping them busy along with Grandma Betty.

On our off days I've been fitting in yearly well checks/baby checks. I figure summer is the best time to get all that out of the way. I feel like we should have a front parking place at the clinic with how much we are there.Our garden has been doing so/so. The weather this year is awful and even with constant watering we are not getting much so far. Just some cukes, Zuchinni, and lettuce. Usually we'd have so much more but when your grass is all dead and the ground is as hard as a rock it dampers the growth. Today was 110 and everything out there was completely wilted so tonight I will have to water like crazy.

This summer Damien has decided he REALLY enjoys taking pictures with my cell phone. He is constantly taking pictures of us all. Sometimes they turn out great.
Sometimes they don't turn out the greatest! lolWith 4th of July the girls knew we got to pull out the 4th TuTus. We went to the 4th of July parade and Sophia insisted on wearing hers. She really enjoys dressing up!

Sometimes she cracks us up with her attire. ;)I also have been taking advantage of all the free Home Depot and Lowes building clinics for the kids. We have done ALOT but I tell you what, they make happy kids and that is my main goal when I decide taking 7 kids out alone. Who cares if I go insane, as long as they are happy!!Gianna is growing up to be such a sweet little girl!
But don't let this picture fool you, she turns into a screaming terror from about 8-11 pm. Colic sucks to say the least. I wish there was some way around her fits but there isn't. She's nursing on and off for 3 hours before we get her to sleep which makes me extremely sore!

I've been trying to figure out who she looks like or will grow up looking like....Maybe Sophia???

Other than that, not much else to report. Hoping maybe we can start getting some bids just in case the interest rates are going to rise so we can expand our house. It is getting a bit tight and 1 bathroom won't work for 9 of us forever. So I'm praying we either fix our house with a home equity loan, win the lottery or they drop this 7 bedroom/4 bath down about $100K so we can afford it. :)

5 Months Old

2011-07-07T08:10:00.002-05:00

How on Earth is this child 5 months old? I do think that she looks alot younger than what she really is. I think that's one of the amazing things about having her 6 weeks early is her aging along with everything is taking awhile which is great since she's our last baby! lol! We are really working on things though. I'd like to get her to lift her head better. She's lifting it but then it slams back down on the carpet. She has alot of head control when she is lifted upright though and can look around without her head going all over the place. Gianna really knows everyone in her family though. She LOVES staring at everyone, smiling and cooing. One of her favorite things to do is sort of play peekaboo while I'm breastfeeding her. She's starting to do some bubbles or rasberries now which is cute! She's rolling side to side but not quite over yet! She definitely is a huge blessing to our family. If I'm having a bad day all I need to do is sit with her. She will "talk" your ear off, smile and screech with the prettiest little grins and you will forget all about what you were having a hard time with. :)

6 years old!

2011-07-06T13:31:00.000-05:00

I started this blog back when i was pregnant with Damien. It's hard to believe he is 6 years old. It was a really scary pregnancy as I had miscarried our 3rd baby, little does he know he was actually our 4th. We found out extra early through sono because I went to the ER with horrible pain after a positive pregnancy test to discover I had kidney stones. I had issues the past year and once I got pregnant it got really bad. They finally did pass and it was calcium stones but because of all that I got to see him grow from a 4 week, 5 week, and 6 week sono when he finally had a heartbeat. :) The pregnancy went great though and I was enormous. I ended up doing a 3 hour glucose with him but it came back fine. He was the one that gave me the varicose veins and all that extra weight feeling of shortness of breath. When he came out he was 9lbs 13 oz and 22 inches long. Quite a big boy! He's a skinny little fart now though.

His favorite things to do are play Mario Kart on Wii, he LOVES Hotwheels, and school! He was the smartest kid in his class last year which is crazy from having Dominic struggling so much with his Aspergers and ADHD. We do have issues with his speech and are still dealing with some Speech Apraxia but it doesn't hold him back. We are not as frustrated as we used to be!! lol! His favorite food is Pizza and he can eat about 4-5 pieces! He likes sports and loves animals. He's a great little guy and we are blessed to have him in our family!

Some pics and a fly bye hi!

2011-06-27T17:08:00.000-05:00

We've been busy as usual. I am going to start updating more though as I really miss doing it. My baby girl is 5 months old now and cooing up a storm. It's so weird having her out alittle early she is SOOO far behind. She's just now holding up her head and the coos. She's been noticing who we are for a few months but she's not even attempting to roll over yet, she will however roll on her side. :) We have another 7 weeks out of school and then back to routine! Mia will be going to afternoon preschool so she is SO excited already talking about her backpack and riding the bus. They live for that don't they?

Busy

2011-05-11T07:56:00.005-05:00

I think nearly all the posts in the past year on here have started with something about me being busy or trying to fit time into updating on here. :) I think having the last 3 kids so close in age did a number on any possible free time I will have EVER AGAIN. lol

Rocco really keeps me on my toes. He's constantly climbing bunk beds, sitting inside dresser drawers, going down into the basement by himself, cleaning out DVD's in the cabinets, dumping toys for the hell of it. He is a 17 month old monster and as you see in this picture he likes to make messes for no reason like dumping Vermicelli Sopa on his head. Gianna is 3 months old now. She is doing great! I think she may be a little bit behind with being born at 34 weeks but otherwise she is doing awesome. She hasn't started rolling and she's just now started cooing. I think the neatest thing about having one born alittle earlier was how long she stayed newborn like. She was so tiny! Now she's a turkey. Somedays I'm like "wow I'm sooo glad I don't have to worry getting pregnant ever again" others I'm sad but really I have a huge sense of contentment from God that this is our family. I totally am having a harder time getting anything done with 4 being at home and so young. It's hard to go many places when you have 3 that need to be in a basket or stroller. I could wear Gianna and push the double stroller but instead I say screw it and stay home. lol The biggest problem is keeping the house clean. Oh my my has that became a task. I can't keep up with the damage they can make in just a few hours and what's sad is they are so young, cleaning is not fully understandable to them. I try making games with it like "lets see who can throw all the blocks in the container the fastest!" But that usually doesn't work when they've strung out Polly Pocket junk throughout the house. I try keeping them busy with things like tenting bunk beds so they will play with that while I'm cleaning but it's short lived. As soon as the front room is cleared they are dragging out new toys. We don't use alot of paper (I find it wasteful) so with my compact dishwasher I do dishes anywhere from 3-4 times a day. Since Gianna's birth I've had all the laundry done 1 time. Yep that's it. I can't keep up and I'm doing it like everyday! lol I am hopeful things will slow down eventually but we have another busy summer coming up and I will be running around daily so I'm hoping it will get easier FAST. Gianna is a sole booby child. She will not take a bottle at all without gagging and puking it so I've had a very hard time getting a break from the child. My breaks are during her short naps. In trying to get anything done, I do occasionally ask for some help. The older 2 HATE when I ask them to hold her. I've had to explain it to them like this, "do you want dinner before you go to bed???" They reluctantly do help but aren't real happy about it.
In all the craziness though we are having a blast having 7 kiddos. It's definitely the life for us. We finally got a 12 passenger van. Someone who had a large family themselves traded in their 2008 for something else and we snagged it quickly. They had put a 15 in TV/DVD system in, hook ups for a game system, tinted the windows, put rims and step bars on it, chrome plated the bottom of it....totally not your normal large family van. lol Since we know alot of the people in town at the dealerships we got it for $13,900 which is a very good deal since it's practically brand new. I absolutely love it.

A few months back we discovered through an eye dr appointment that my dh has high blood pressure. It was kind of a wake up call that we need to get in better shape and he has GOT to quit salting everything so heavily. I know everyone always hears and wonders, why at the Eye Dr? Well my dh has always had red eyes and after having perfect vision she took his blood pressure. It was 160/100. He went immediately to his GP Dr where it was the same on 2 different machines. So they put him on meds. This is a picture of him holding his "birth control" as I call it because of the container. lol!
We've had alot of new life around here the past few months. 2 litters of bunnies but only 1 litter made it so we have 3 new show rabbits. Very happy with that. They are adorable and we believe we got 3 Bucks out of that breeding!
We also have a litter of baby kittens. Not really wanted but back in December we had 4 kittens eating out of our trashbag I left on the porch. I felt bad and I had some free bags of cat food I had got from some coupon deals so I fed them that and they decided they liked it here and stuck around. 1 got ran over by my dh's work truck when backing up. The remaining 3 it took a few weeks before the males would let me touch them and the female finally after 3 months let us touch her. Then we found out she had gotten pregnant. I was hoping to get rid of her before that ended up happening but she was too wild. So as soon as that cat was pregnant she turned into this loving sweet adorable kitty that you couldn't even imagine that she was that wild just a few months back. So now we have 5 baby kitties as well. (sigh) I'm hoping they will have new owners next month. :)

Anyways that's some of the new around here! I hope everyone who still reads here is doing well! Can't wait till we get summer up and going....only 2 more weeks of school! I'm excited....and yet so scared. lol

Sophia...Surgery #2

2011-05-10T09:07:00.001-05:00

So we are hopefully all done with Mycobactrium Tuberculosis here in this house. Sophia's surgery was April 1st. It was obvious she knew the routine. She was sad at first but she knew we were there to fix her face and after the on and off pain with it she was ready I believe.

Surgery took alittle longer this time since he had to cut from her chin all the way to her ear. The lymph node that was infected this time around was the one by the ear. So she now has no lymph nodes on that side of her face at all. I'm not sure what that means as far as her immune system and that area. We are praying hard that the other side does not get infected. She is off of her meds so all we can do is live life and wait to see if anything ever happens.
The 2nd go around I noticed quickly it was healing alot better. Right after the first surgery I noticed the skin pinking right above the incision which was the start of another lymph node but then it just destroyed the Dr's work on her face, stretching the incision, it looked horrible. He did a whole scar revision.This is the final result. They brown was tape residue I had yet to remove. It is healing so nicely! I am so excited that it hopefully will be a very minimal scar as she grows older. Last thing I want is an ugly scar to remind her of this whole ordeal. I'm so glad it's over!!

Sophia's NEXT surgery

2011-03-15T15:39:00.002-05:00

So depressing that we are going to have to do this again. April 1st we will be at the surgery center again with Sophia. Her last surgery was December 27th. I know her ENT did not think we'd even have to go this road. He said he cleaned the infection out and took all the lymph nodes out, she was even on Biaxin just like she had been the whole time this was going on and 3 weeks after surgery I discovered her cheek was pinking up just like her chin did the first time. This picture was taken the morning we were going to the Infectious Disease Pediatrian.

It would be nice to find other parents who have dealt with Mycobactrium Tuberculosis however this stupid disease is so rare there are not many parents out there. Her ID Ped told us he had 6 kids in the past year and that's ALOT, it comes in spurts and so somehow it's coming back. It's not contagious at all but is very difficult to get rid of. The bacteria is in the Tuberculosis class, you'd have to google it but the only thing it really has to do with Tuberculosis is it affects primarily the lymph nodes in the neck area. Our option was probably a whole year of pain, 2 antibiotics, her face eventually breaking open and draining, and then healing or surgery cleaning out the dead lymph node and making her better quickly, still taking the meds but only 3 months. Hopefully he will be able to fix her scar again as the 2nd infection ate away at his work and now it's very red and didn't heal nicely at all.

I am so ready for this to be over with. I pray this is it. I can't imagine it sticking around and praying on another lymph node in our poor little Sophia's body. This is definitely one of those things I wish I didn't have experience in. lol

From The Phone

2011-03-13T11:32:00.005-05:00

I've been discovering more recently how lovely it is to have a smart phone. I got my first last June, I'd had internet on my others but with the apps and such it's so much nicer. Gianna is 6 weeks old as of tomorrow and I'm rarely on the regular laptop since I can visit everything from the phone. I walk around cleaning with my phone in my hand reading Facebook or looking at Babycenter, email, etc. So since I had a rare moment on here I thought I'd post some pictures.

Things have been so busy. Not too much different than before with throwing a baby in the mix but having them all this close together is extremely hard. I still haven't taken the 4 I have home to the store yet by myself. I can't figure out how. I have 2 babies in infant carriers, and Sophia and Mia just turned 2 and 4 shortly ago. They will run wild if not in a basket. I have a very hard time putting kids inside the basket because it scares me to death. When Dom was little he got mad at Petco and threw himself on their cement floor landing on his head! It was frightening when he hit hearing that thud and then the screams. I know soon we'll start having play dates all the time and I know that shouldn't be much of an issue since I can stick the babies in the double stroller.

Some good news is we FINALLY bought a vehicle we can all fit in. It was a steal mainly because we know the dealers in our small town quite well. It's a 12 passenger 08 E350 with a DVD/15 in screen for the kids in the back and Nav up front for me although I still don't know how to work it and it's abit distracting to look down at the radio to see the roads. I don't think I could ever park this thing between cars for the life of me but it is so nice to be able to ride with my hubby since we haven't since November 2009.Everyone had bugged us about getting rid of our 08 T & C for a new van but we didn't want to since we paid it off a yr ago and we bought a lifetime warranty with it along with a tire one. We loved the van so much we wanted to keep it forever! lol S we now have 2 vans. The big one looks like it could pull a monster truck move on my little Town and Country when side by side. lol!

Gianna is getting bigger. It's amazing when you look at what she was compared to now. NOW she looks like a newbon. Last week she was 6lbs 9oz. She was down to 5lbs 6 oz one week after birth. It's so strange having all these big babies and then having this happen and a tiny one. This first picture was when we first brought her home and the other 2 were taken recently.

In other news the days are getting easier on the mourning. I really didn't think I would get like this after everything I went through but you know I didn't have a traumatic birth who have dealt with the same thing. It was so easy just like the rest. I bet I could have kept my uterus if I would have wanted the methotrexate but I thought this would be best to just do the hysterectomy. I was ok at the time it was done. I would have been on the drug for awhile until the placenta would have died but it would have been ok. The best thing I have discovered is different social boards to talk or see what others went through. It helps you to realize how lucky you were. What kills me is some of these girls only had 1 C-section or never even HAD a c-section, they had miscarriages and D&C's so after their first baby they had to have a hysterectomy. Some only had endo or fibroids and then during delivery the placenta wouldn't expel. It's terrible and until you read and read then it hits you as, wow, it could have been alot worse. I mourn for them as well and it breaks my heart when they say how much they wanted a sibling for their child. I know alot of people think I ended up in this position because of tons of C-sections and as it is true I did, it was only because of where my placenta decided to place itself, previa right over my scar. In all honesty that's the easiest to deal with when it comes to accreta. There are situations where I've read ladies stories where their placenta implanted on the backside of the uterus and grew through attaching to the rectal area and bowels. I never even knew that was a possibility until my first high risk sono with the Perinatologist. They told us that they could tell the bladder was involved but couldn't tell if the bowels were since they are behind. I had never had any D & C's or trauma other than a c-section scar so they said it probably wasn't but it could if it grew out of the womb quite a bit. So as the days fly by I just keep trying to remember how lucky I am. Like I told the anesthesiologist that morning, there are many other ways to get a baby.

There's been a bunch of other crazy things happening around here that I'll have to post about another time. #1 Sophia's going to need surgery again for her mycobatrium tuburculosis ordeal. #2 Daddy helped with Extreme Home Makeover and might be on TV! #3 Dominic is finally having to be diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome to continue to receive services for his IEP. I will update on it all soon.

Doing Better

2011-03-04T15:57:00.003-06:00

Last week truly sucked. I am doing alot better this week. It hit me all at once what happened. I would imagine I will still feel upset, pissed off and cry about not ever being pregnant again but I have to be happy with what I have, the whole situation could have went a totally opposite direction, I mean I could have died during the stupid surgery and why would I want to take a chance at that ever again??

I think what's really sad to me is that he really hasn't said much about it. Yeah if I break down he'll give hugs or whatever but he doesn't talk about it. I'm pretty sure he's just glad not to see me through another C-section again because according to him I never see his side of going through the waiting and watching process hoping nothing bad happens. We basically have skipped over what happened and just have been loving on our baby girl and taking care of the rest of the kiddos. There's no time to even chat alone unless we're in bed and believe me we "might" be awake for 2 minutes at the most once we get in bed.

So anyways I am still probably going to have crying spells over it but I am starting to move on. Yesterday we took our daughter over to Wichita to her infectious disease pediatrician for her face and his office is attached to the hospital where I delivered Gianna. I started crying just seeing the place but composed myself by the time I parked. I have better things to worry about then my lost uterus.

Mourning The Loss of My Uterus

2011-02-25T10:09:00.003-06:00

I never thought I would ever be so sad over losing a stupid organ. This week has been very hard and I really REALLY feel like a spoiled selfish brat over it which makes me cry even more. People suffer from infertility. People have Post Partum Hemorrhage and the condition I had after just 1 baby and have to have everything removed. I really shouldn't be feelin like this since I have 7 healthy beautiful kiddos through C-sections but it's so hard. I keep reflecting back to last summer cleaning the kitchen happy as could be with our 6 and Daddy was sitting at the table and we started talking about the future. I told him how nice it was NOT to be pregnant during the summer. We started talking about kids, I told him I thought 8 would be a good number but we should wait until the others grew up a bit and then try for 2 close together. He seemed to think that sounded ok too. Then a month or so later in July we found out I was pregnant, and I cried. First time I had actually cried about being pregnant. It seemed from the beginning I was worried about being pregnant. I was truly scared this time around with 2 C-sections so close together. I had just had Ovarian surgery 4 months earlier and I got pregnant when Rocco was 6 months (with Sophia I got pregnant with Rocco it was 5 months) So I held out till what I thought was 12 weeks before going to the Dr. They did a sono to see where I was because I actually hadn't had a period since April and it was September. And that's when the discovery that i was 14 1/2 weeks already came about and that I had an anterior, low lying placenta came into the picture. I was not really worried at that that time and when referred to the Perinatologist I thought surely everything was fine.

Monday the 21st marked 3 weeks and I guess with everyone gone I had alot of time to think about things. I've questioned myself about EVERYTHING from the past. Of course nothing can change now but I can't help but drill myself and it starts 10 years ago with our first child. Why didn't I let them try to vac her out instead of agreeing to a C-section? Why didn't I try a Vbac with my 2nd? Why weren't we more careful after our 6th? Why did this happen to us? Why did my body fail me? Why didn't I try the methotrexate since it turned out to be an increta? Why didn't I fight to keep my uterus? Why did we lose that baby almost 7 yrs ago, that could have been our 8th.

I think the saddest part for me is that I will never see the joy of another positive pregnancy test. I will never feel a baby moving around inside of me. EVER. AGAIN. I will never see one of our creative gene combos from God. EVER. AGAIN. I will never have a newborn sleeping with us or nurse once she's grown up. EVER. AGAIN. Those hurts more than anything and I'm trying to move on from that. It sucks. There is no option of hey maybe down the road we can, it's over because there's a big gaping hole sitting in my body where I used to have a uterus but now don't.

I have always wanted to adopt and I'm not sure what our chances are with a large family because I know they have all sorts of requirements. With his line of work he was doing business at an agency locally which told him that you can't have 6 kids under 16 in your house. I have 7 kids 10 and under. lol! I guess hearing that kind of has me worried if we were ever to look into it. It wouldn't be for a few years anyways as we have some work to do on our house and want to get debt free again. Maybe though it will be an option down the road because I have a LONG TIME until grandkids. ;)

2 weeks later...

2011-02-15T10:25:00.002-06:00

I do plan on posting a birth story soon I just haven't got to it yet. I'm about 2 weeks out from surgery and I'm doing alot better than I was. The first week or so was horrible. I was in the hospital for 3 days which was a very short visit for all that I had done but they said I was free to go if I wanted. I had to come home with a catheter which totally sucked and added a ton more pain. Walking around carrying a bag sucked and I was confined to home unless I wanted to put this bag on my leg. They told me I could go back to my original OB after leaving the hospital so I went in after a week and had that removed and the metal staples and from then recovery has been much better. I was terrified about the staples because first they looked horrible and I was afraid with the up and down incision I was going to open up and fall apart. Everything healed ok except my belly button. I have a small hole about the size of a Q-tip cotton that's been draining.

Two weeks later I am nearly pain free. I weaned myself from 2 percocet every 4 hours for a week and a half down to 1 every 4 hrs and finally 0, no percocet in the past day or so. I went through 2 1/2 bottles of Percocet which I normally only take 4-5 days worth after a C-section. This by far was the worst recovery I've had on any surgery. Good thing we had 2 Grandmas to help with the kids. They will be leaving this Saturday ending their 3 week stay. I am so ready to jump back into my schedule and routine. I am ready to be the mom and in charge of it all. Everyday since surgery I have woke up and thought how blessed I am to be still living. As soon as surgery was over that morning and they pulled down the blue curtain, I started crying and they thought something was wrong, that I was in great pain. I told them I just wanted my husband, that's all I wanted. I needed to cry with him because it was OVER. They were stroking my head telling me it was over too which made it more emotional because we were literally all rejoicing in the OR that Gianna and I had no major issues and were fine. Even though they hadn't lived the nightmare, they knew how thankful we were to be over the first hurdle.

I made it! Quick Update.

2011-02-01T20:12:00.004-06:00

I'll post a complete birth story later but wanted to give a quick update. I had my surgery yesterday and it went very well. I do however have to go home with a cath. Percreta was right diagnosis. It was attached to the bladder
but only got into the muscle of it. It was a strange surgery totally different
than my other 6 c-sections. First they had me angled on my side and then my
body was in the air but my head was low. I was awake the whole time which was 3
hrs. I wish they would have put me to sleep but I did nap during it. I
received close to 3 liters blood is what they said. They were awesome and
constantly telling me how things were going. They did the c-section,
hysterectomy, bladder repair, and umbilical hernia repair so I am big time sore
but I got up at 12 hours and hve been all day today. The only bad thing with
surgery was I ended up having the spinal/epi wear off at the end and felt the
staples put in. I was not happy and screaming at them. lol. I had already been
given a 2nd dose and since we were basically done they didn't want to give a
3rd.

Gianna was born perfectly healthy at 34 wks 3 days at 6lbs 2.5 oz and 18 in long
with her 2 vessel cord. There was about 20 people in the OR to work on us both.
I got to spend about 1 minute with her before they took her away for testing.
It was 12 hours before I saw her last night. They wouldn't bring her because of
all the monitors so after 12 hours I got my butt up to go see her. I have big
babies so seeing her so small just had me in tears. Today she was removed from
everything and she is rooming with us. Because of a nasty snow storm we will
probably be here Thursday. They don't want us driving the hour home with bad
roads. So there's a quick update!

Alittle nerve damage

2011-01-06T17:39:00.002-06:00

This is Sophia with a open smile now. He was hopeful he missed the nerve running through there but looks like he may have got it. All we can do is wait and hopefully it will correct. :)

1-31-2011

2011-01-04T15:52:00.004-06:00

The date this is going to all go down. We had our last Peri and High Risk Appts yesterday. I had a mental breakdown the night before. Bawled my head off while doing laundry in the basement so no one here knew a thing. I was being tormented by the Devil that this is all going to go badly. To think anything is wrong in there is very VERY difficult. I feel awesome, this is probably the best pregnancy I've ever had. I think partially because this little girl is breech. I don't feel pregnant at all except for this large globe infront of me. I haven't had any bleeding at all for having a complete placenta previa.

I started trying to be "positive" in a screwed up way you could say.

1. I've never hemorrhaged on any surgery or C-section.
2. I do not have a blood clotting disorder which is pretty much a death sentence in this type situation.
3. I do well with anesthesia, spinal or general.
4. My hemoglobin is usually pretty decent and high which means my blood is in pretty good order.
5. I've been taking vitamins religiously and extra iron beefing up my blood.
6. I have not been in any pain
7. I'm not peeing any blood which is the placenta entering the bladder.
8. This was caught early so the surgeons will be prepared going in which means less blood loss or chance of death.

I am pretty sure I'm not going to die and she being born at 34 weeks is going to die either however we got a pretty big wake up call yesterday at the hospital during our NICU tour. They will keep her no matter what for 1-2 weeks. We expect I will probably be there almost a week as it is but I was not expecting that with her. It was hard to hold it together seeing those babies yesterday and hopefully we won't be dealing with all of that but the biggest concrns are apnea and suck/swallow and taking a bottle and eventually the breast. This all sucks because we still don't know with her SUA or 2 vessel cord if she's going to have any birth defects. They are sure Trisomy is ruled out but they can't tell with the rest of her organs.

As for me I held together the whole day. It was a LONG day. Our first appointment was at the Peri office for another Sono. She looks to weigh maybe 4 1/2 pounds which is great. Again they looked for about 15 minutes at the placenta. It's an anterior complete previa and they can not tell exactly how much has grown outside creating the Percreta. They see this mass where my bladder is but can't tell how much is really on the bladder. We thought we were doing an MRI yesterday but they told me there was a chance it would throw a negative when I really did have percreta. They give inconclusive results quite frequently so we decided not to add more worry into the situation.

After that long visit we went out to eat and then over to meet my new OB and surgeon. I found out that this will be a vertical incision which scares me as far as pain. They can not cut down there because of the placenta and bleeding factor. We asked as much as we could think of. I asked how often the sono has been wrong and she said never. :( They do about 1 case a month of this condition and usually always ends in a hysterectomy but if not I did agree to a tubal because to go through this again would probably cause my family and husband to all have strokes. It's too late to donate my own blood now and they may give me a transfusion right before surgery so that it helps. I will be awake until the baby comes and then she will tell me what it's looking like in there and if everything is as they believe I will be put to sleep for the hysterectomy. If not they will keep me awake which I'm fairly certain will not happen. I have alot of thoughts with this. I still hate when I think of my first born being asleep when she was born and not seeing her until afterwards. Now in this situation I will see her born but will be put to sleep without knowing if her organs and everything else is ok and that kills me. They basically plan on whisking her away with a NICU team right after birth. Depending how much blood I lose during the hysterectomy part, I'll get blood products then and afterwards. Surgery can be 1-3 hours depending how bad the bleeding is and how long it takes to get it controlled. She also freaked me out saying sometimes they might leave alittle placenta in and that with the hysterectomy they may have to cut some of the cervix or vagina away. Yikes. She says they try not to though.

I guess after the surgery it's just a wait and see what happens. I'm trying not to be too freaked out but January 31st will be here before we all know it. I just want this over with and move on with our 7 little ones. I know alot of people think having the hysterectomy is going to be very upsetting for me but honestly it's not. Dying and not being here for my kids is more upsetting than anything which is what all the crying I've done is about. If I'm not having kids, take all of that junk out. lol!

No Answers Yet

2011-01-04T14:07:00.004-06:00

This is Sophia on the way to the ENT Dr this morning for a follow up after surgery. Not happy at all. We had a 10 minute fight of putting on clothes and shoes this morning and then another fight to buckle her in. She knew exactly that whatever we were doing involved her face because no one was going with us and was staying home with Grandma. Today's appointment we were hoping to get more answers but we didn't get anything. So far all the cultures have came out negative. We are waiting on Cat Scratch Disease. A nurse and I held her down as he removed the plastic drain from her face. Then he stuck 2 swabs in the hole from the drain to get new cultures and then called a Pediatric Infectious Disease Dr to see if we should send her there for more care. The Dr at that practice in Wichita said he thinks that what her ENT Dr is doing now is about the same as he would do so to keep her here until we can figure this all out. If it is Mycobaterium then we just wait it out and she will continue to take Baixin for 3 months. He said he's not sure if the other side that is swollen will ever do what happened to the other or maybe the meds will get rid of it. We go back in another week to have stitches removed. Since there was still some infection he was afraid to take them out and the infection to open up the stitches. Will be so glad when this ends which right now feels like never. lol

So here goes!

2010-12-31T13:22:00.007-06:00

The past few months have been insane. I've been so busy with appointments and cleaning that I haven't really got to do much else! I'm not sure if I mentioned but Alex broke her wrist in recess at school right after school started. They were playing a game and she tripped and snapped her wrist in the process of catching herself. No surgery was needed but numerous appointments with ortho surgeons were. She had snapped both bones across in her wrist. We did X-rays every 2 weeks and finally towards the end of November she was in the clear.

The last week of November Daddy went on a business trip. He had just taken one a few months before but this was for some special training. While he was gone I noticed Sophia had this goose egg on her jawline. I thought maybe she just slipped at the table and cracked her jaw or the kids were playing rough. The next morning it looked the same. I went to Women's Bible Study and asked some of the ladies to look at it, well I forgot one was a retired Pediatrician. Duh! She was concerned and told me I needed to get Sophia in. She thought she had an infected lymph node. I came home and called the Dr's office telling them what she (one of their retired peds) had told me. Well took her in and her Dr said he thought it was the same thing so he gave us Augmentin. About 10 days later I made another appointment because it was getting ugly and I wanted to see if they could drain the infection like everyone was telling us to do.
Well this trip her Dr decided maybe we should try draining it however with her just being a new 2 year old he didn't want to do it I guess you could say. lol He wanted her sedated so he sent us to the ENT department. Well ENT said he wasn't sure what was going on but didn't want to drain it yet and gave us steroids and a different antibiotic. It was a nightmare getting her to take the meds. 10 days later they called in more and we went in for another visit. It was then he decided to schedule a CT Scan because it obviously was not getting any better and staying the same. He thought it was something called a Branchial Cleft Cyst. So we went home and continued her meds and on Dec 22nd we showed up at 7:30 am to have her sedated and a CT scan done.
She was in a really good mood that morning and had no idea WHAT was about to happen. It sucked. First sticking an IV in and then a shot to sedate her. 30 minutes of fighting, screaming, and it wasn't working so they had to come do another shot to knock her out. She was not going to just go to sleep. Finally got the CT done and because of 2 doses of sedative it took about a hour or so for her to come around.
The results showed that it was infact her lymph nodes. So he told us we needed to have surgery done and get the dead lymph node out, take out others in that area so they do not get infected and take a biopsy of a healthy one to see what was going on. He really didn't want to do surgery but felt it was the best option. There is a nerve that controls lip movement in that area and he was afraid of knicking it. We went ahead and scheduled surgery. On Christmas day her infection popped. We were a bit worried because everyone had been telling us this was MRSA. It slowly oozed but started instantly looking better. The skin was more pink than purple but now it was definitely on the disgusting side. Finally surgery was on the 28th.
We arrived at 6 am for 7 am surgery. She was really happy at first but then after a few pre-op people came in the room looking at her owwie she knew something was up and went into terror mode. She latched to her daddy and didn't want to let go. They gave her some syrup sedative but as soon as they took her away she started crying. As soon as she left the room I started crying. Surgery was about a hour long and then we had to wait another 45 minutes after surgery just to see her.
We're not sure if she remembers what happened or not. Her Dr said the surgery went great. He's pretty sure he got all the infection out but she's still on antibiotics and now Tylenol with Codine for pain. She has a 2 inch incision on her jawline. He said he was sure he did not knick that nerve however we are noticing 2 and 3 days later that side seems to droop when she's smiling. They immediately did tests for lymphoma because that was another possible and there were no cancer or precancerous cells so that was a relief. So now they are doing a bunch of cultures to figure out what's going on. Turns out her other side is also swollen but not visible yet. He thinks this is a Myco bacterium infection but we will not know until next week when we see him since he did this all on his vacation. lol
She is doing well now like nothing ever happened. We are learning how to coax her into letting us do dressing changes on her wound as she has a drain tube sticking out of her incision. She hasn't tried touching it so pretty happy with how that's going. She's starting to give in on the meds because she knows if she doesn't take them we have to sit on her and hold her down. Over 1 month on antibiotics 2 times a day, Steroids were a week, and now a week of Tylenol w/codine several times a day. It's been very stressful but her face looks snow white again, just with stitches, no redness at all which is so nice to see. Her next appointment is Tuesday to have the stitches and drain removed and hopefully we will get some answers on what this is or what's next.

11 months old!

2010-11-09T14:43:00.004-06:00

I think Rocco's first year has been the fastest in history! lol He is just starting to let go of the furniture and walk around. He claps before he lets go and starts. It's hilarious. He's finally waving hi/bye and LOVES playing peek a boo with whoever will. He loves to throw, we've had a few accidents of Mia or Sophia getting clocked with toys in the face or head. Like most little toddlers if you catch him doing something he shouldn't and say "No!" he'll shake his head no and keep on doing it. LOL! Love my little guy, he loves to cuddle and kiss and lay his head on your chest for the heck of it which is the best feeling ever. :)

Halloween 2010

2010-11-09T11:35:00.005-06:00

The Raging Sea Right Infront of Me

2010-11-06T09:03:00.002-05:00

I don't really know about my husband but the thought process I've had the past couple days has been torture. It's difficult because like everyone else in the world we were hoping for another perfect pregnancy and in a blink of an eye this one turned into a nightmare. This sonogram was actually scheduled 3 weeks ago however our insurance did not have this perinatologist as in network so we had to wait until that went through. It was kind of a relief because I had 3 weeks LESS of worry. Good thing is because of the 3 week delay I only have about 83 days of pure hell

I think the biggest fear of all of this is she's not going to make it to 34 week because of this cord condition and then I'm going to go through this whole life threatening surgery with no baby to take home, that is if I make it through. lol The 2nd biggest fear right now is having the C-section and then seeing her for a brief minute only to be put to sleep for them to do their major work on me and not know if she's OK and if she really does have a defect of the heart, kidneys, or a fatal chromosome disorder. They are talking like I may be asleep for 2-3 hours. I am really having a hard time with thinking about that moment. It reminds me so much of Alex's birth when her heart rate dropped down to 70bpm and they're saying we're losing her. I'm talking, there's all this screaming going on about medical junk by tons of people in the room and then everything just fades to white. I wake up choking because of an air tube with a baby next to me who I had never seen in my life.

The past 3 days, I have been doing exactly what any mother would do but shouldn't. Reading Google, visiting boards of parents who have had these problems, some of it is helpful, some of it scares you to death. So far I have not found anyone who has a story of Percreta but those of Accreta and although they had frightening stories and lost tons of blood, they made it out alive. As far as SUA, I've heard both good and bad. I'm worried about the weeks between the sonos. She could lose all her fluid, stop thriving, die. In a way I wonder if we shouldn't do the Amnio just to prepare if she does have a problem and anything was wrong but right now I'm not willing to take chance. I just want to feel her kicks every second of the day to know she's ok in there.

Right now I'm just hoping the next 12 weeks go quickly so we can get this over with even though we are far from ready to bring another baby in this house. lol Sadly the pregnancy joy went out the window with this one, we just want out of it and to have a safe outcome for us both.

The Big Sono you don't expect

2010-11-04T09:04:00.002-05:00

We have a pretty large prayer request coming from our household. We finally got our sonogram done that was to tell us if my placenta had rose up out of the way so we could hopefully have a normal pregnancy like the rest and deliver here in our town. We both went in pretty positive that everything was fine but after about a unusually LONG 45 minute sonogram of the placenta, heart valve flow, kidneys, liver and umbilical cord over and over and over we found out that we are in for a scary ride of our lives on this one.

My placenta did not rise infact it dropped all the way over my cervix so I have Placenta Previa. My last prayer request was that this wouldn’t happen because they were worried about something called acreta where the placenta would attach to my old c-section scar. There’s 3 types of acreta. One is attached to the scar, one digs into the muscle of the uterus and the absolute worst is called percreta where it grows through and the placenta attaches to organs. Mine is the worst, percreta and all they can see right now is that it is attached to the bladder through the sono. They want to do an MRI to see how bad or where else it has grown and attached. They won’t even touch this condition and surgery at our hospital so we do have to deliver in Wichita. My delivery has been moved from around March 11 to around January 28 when I will be about 34 weeks in hopes that the earlier the better on the growth of the damage to my insides. The surgery is so complex they will have onocolgy Dr’s there since they deal with removing cancer and masses from the body. I’ll have an OBGYN helping with the surgery I have yet to meet and some other surgeons we’re supposed to be meeting as well. I'm supposed to prepare for a delivery with tons of people I've never met in the room. Hopefully with advanced planning everything will go well but they weren’t going to lie and I already know that people can and have died from this surgery. They told me to expect to lose about ½ my blood from extensive bleeding when doing the hysterectomy and other repairs all at the same time. Luckily the way it sounds is I will be awake for the removal of our baby and then they will quickly put me to sleep, take my husband out of the room and start on the rest. That's going to be hard because I will be asleep and have no idea how she's doing being born at 34 weeks.

It was pretty hard to digest this on Tuesday but I think it was nothing compared to the next blow since it wasn’t what we were there for. We are having a little girl and she has a SUA or single umbilical artery (2 vessel cord) which is a marker for Downs, Trisomy, heart problems, IUGR, kidney failure, and a bunch of other chromosomal problems. I pretty much lost it when hearing all this. There’s a 30-60% chance for a fetal abnormality. They asked me to do a Amnio to see what we could be facing and I refused. I also did not do quad blood screening at the beginning of the pregnancy either because we would never Abort anyways. So because of her only receiving half (instead of 2 cords) of oxygenated blood we are going to be doing growth sonos every 4 weeks to make sure she’s growing and thriving. For now she’s planned to come out at 34 weeks because of my problems. She’ll be moved straight into the NICU at the hospital. She could be there from 1-2 weeks depending how this all develops and she stays in until 34 weeks.

So that is my news we’ve been digesting the past 2 days. It’s extremely overwhelming and hard to believe all this is going on in there as I “feel” like this is a normal pregnancy in there. I feel her kicking away, I don’t feel like her kicks are any different or that the placenta is causing any pain on my scar or bladder. I feel pretty normal! I think the biggest worry for us both is me not pulling through the surgery. He HATES when I’ve had the c-sections in the past but this is so much more than just a c-section. He was really distraught and emotional when we left the clinic and he asked if I needed him at home, I’m pretty sure he just didn’t want to work the rest of the day! Lol

So there ya go. Massive prayer request, so many things that we need to go right. Lots of unknowns. We have not had a very good 2010 year at all. This baby sort of turned the year around for us and now everything is going wrong with this as well. Please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Sophia turns 2!

2010-10-14T16:40:00.002-05:00

Not sure how but this little girl of mine turned 2 today. It's crazy to think it could have went that fast! She is my angel, a feisty loud one but I love her. lol She can be so sweet, innocent and girly when out but then we come home and she's a total different child. Stripping down naked, playing with boy toys and she screams when she talks. Happy Birthday to my now big girl!

19 Weeks

2010-10-14T16:33:00.003-05:00

Well here it is. A somewhat distorted picture of my belly because I swear it's ALOT bigger than what it looks like there! LOL!! I am pretty much halfway done now. Baby will be here either 37 weeks if my placenta turned Previa and at 39 weeks if I am looking A-ok at the end of this. I had a sono at 14 weeks which looked like the placenta was pretty low, I have an appointment soon to see a perinatologist to see if we have anything to worry about. Previa doesn't matter if your having a C-section but with a previous C-section (or 6 in my case) there's a slight chance it could grow through the incision attaching to stuff like my bladder which would be bad. We're just hoping and praying this is going to be as uneventful as the others. :)

Quick Post

2010-07-12T21:24:00.005-05:00

Haven't posted in awhile so thought I would try. Things have been extremely busy. We have County Fair this week and ever since school got out in May the kids have been preparing projects,. going to meetings, and getting ready for judging. I have put TONS of miles on my poor van. It has been a bit stressful doing all the running around and getting everything ready.

We added some to our family this summer. We still have our baby bunnies that are picture below. They really aren't babies anymore. lol The kids have been wanting ducks for awhile so we bought 3 duckling an a gosling. They are hilarious. All females and so messy. OMG the poop is so gross.

It has been a fun summer so far though. Crazy having 6 kids home all summer. The house is loud and busy but also so much fun. There are fights, bickering, stealing of toys but overall the kids are doing well and not killing each other. lol The kids and I have worked alot in the kitchen with baking. We have also worked our butts off this summer on our garden. Any way I can keep them busy, I'm doing it. lol Keeping them out an about helps alot too.

Rocco just turned 7 months an is a true joy. I can say the more kids, the quicker time goes by. I am trying to record it all. lol He still is not crawling but gets around doing the army crawl. Hes working on pulling up. He LOVES his sisters and brothers. The girls are really rough on him so I'm constantly keeping an eye on him. He is still in his pack n play but we plan on moving him into the crib an getting the girls their bunk beds very soon since Sophia climbs out of the crib. Sophia is 19 month and a rebel. My sweet little baby has the mind of a 2 yr old now and is probably the most difficult of all. lol

Hopefully she turns into my little angel again because of this.

Yes another little one is on the way, totally unexpected. I had the little shake up in April and then my period came however after April 29ths period, nothing. Almost exactly the same thing when finding out pregnant with Rocco, I had started to quit breastfeeding, quit my pill because of the 19 day cycles. Started OPKs all negative and doing NFP. NO SIGNS whatsoever again with the driest sex ever. lol Tested around day 50 an it was negative so sometime after that date. I tested last night at day 74 with a full tummy of pop at 11 pm. It became positive BEFORE coloring the control line. I couldn't believe it. So in the 10 seconds I put the pee on it I was in the bedroom screaming at my husband in disbelief. All he could do was laugh which had me laughing, then we hugged, then I cried, and then we laughed some more. We are happy but floored at how easy this is happening anymore. Who ever thought we would end up like this. lol We both just talked a few weeks back about how it would be neat to have a #7 and #8 in 2-3 years and be done. This wasn't something we wanted right now but we are already in love. I prayed alot this morning and in bed last night telling God how thankful I am for another blessing although scared out of my mind for another C-section! I believe he wanted to let me know that things would be alright. When leaving this morning with the kids, backing out of the driveway the song Beautiful by Francesca Battistelli came on Sirius The Message. I just made a slideshow a month ago of our children to that song. Just the words give me so much peace! I cried all the way to swimming lessons. Thank you Father for your presence because I really need it right now. I love you. You are my everything and i will adore you.

Some New Pictures

2010-05-18T10:09:00.005-05:00

Our New Mini Rex Babies! We have 4 that atleast should be able to be shown for 4-H!
Rocco
Alex
Mia
Sophia
All 6!

Laying It All At His Feet, He Will Provide

2010-04-28T15:12:00.004-05:00

We've had one heck of a year for 2010 and we're only 4 full months into it. lol It's definitely one for the books. I've been turning it all over to God, what else can we do?? My favorite verse if you ever ask me is Jeremiah 29:11 which says

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Another however I've relied on lately is Matthew 6:34

³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Just knowing that God spoke these makes me at ease whenever things aren't going the greatest. We've had quite the financial battle this year. It actually started last year when we were told they were taking away the old bonus program so our income in 2009 dropped $10,000. We were told we would give a lump sum to their employees at the beginning of 2010. We thought that would be better until we discovered the way it was going to work resulting in only a bonus of $2,000 in March. Yeah, not good when you have 2 major surgeries at $2,500 to pay for and also have 6 kids to take care of. Not knowing that back in December during enrollment we opted to do Flexible Spending to pay for some of the medical woes. We chose $2,500, the cost of 1 surgery. We didn't really think that through to well because that dropped his paycheck $200 a month. LOL! We didn't take into account that our insurance went up $70 a month too with no raise in sight. Needless to say, we've ran up a credit card just to get through each month this year. It's not been good.

So trying to take God on his word we've done what we've thought would be the best to help our situation. We took every bit of our tax return and paid off the van we owe so that got rid of a $330 a month payment, paying it off in less than 2 years. Praise the Lord! We figured getting rid of the $60-70 in interest we lose a month would be best. Now we just owe on our house and bills. I'm sure our regular bills will appreciate being paid on time once again. lol

I have always been into couponing and refunding however this year I have stepped it up a bit. I've now made a goal to my husband that I want to try refunding $100 a month. That's a HUGE goal but so far for April I'm at $82 and I have a few more I will be doing!! If I count the $20 gift card my husband got that puts me at $102. ;) I'm only buying things that I can match up with sales and get for really cheap besides meat and other things that we NEED to have to survive. I might have spent $300 on all our food, supplies, etc. last month so that's helped.

Dave has let his boss know that we are really not doing so well since this bonus change and with the additional cost of insurance so his boss is now trying to help us by keeping my man out in the field making sales. Thank God for that man because we actually got one of the best checks we've gotten in more than a YEAR coming to us on Friday! He's told Dave he needs to be on the road 3 days a week so we're both very excited about this.

Our goal last year was to add on to our home making it a 5 bedroom and getting a bigger vehicle however right now we're just trying to get through this extra debt. We can cram into our little van and live fine in our nice shoebox. lol I am very thankful that God has provided even though our situation has not been ideal. I know there's alot of people that ask how the heck we do it with 1 income and 6 kids and honestly it hadn't been hard until this year. I think God's point was to show us all about self discipline. I needed that kick in the rear to get me back into the frugal seat.

Not Babies Anymore!

2010-04-23T15:50:00.003-05:00

Sophia is now 17 months and Rocco 4 months. Seems like they change everyday! Sophia is starting to really talk up a storm and Rocco is interested in grabbing things and it going straight in his mouth!

One Hell of A Week In Pictures

2010-04-15T15:02:00.006-05:00

We've had all sorts of craziness going on in our parts this past week. It's been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. I decided the easiest and quickest way would just be a few pictures. lol I honestly will be glad when April is over. I've dislike this month ever since losing our baby back in April of 2004. I dread it because it brings back so many memories of that awful week of finding out and then losing our little one. It's also bittersweet though because April 1994 is when Dave and I officially became a couple again.

We started last week with burn bans. Well there were burn bans but fires have been starting up left and right out here, close to home which has been a bit scary.

Kmart was doing their Super double coupons up to $2.00 each coupon so as you can see I went to freebie town on their offer. They would only accept 5 coupons per day per person so I had to make several trips to get all this but in the end before tax it cost a total of $9.40.

Friday night my daughter stayed over at a friends house. She went to her house after school so Dave or I needed to take her clothes over. I let Dave, i probably should have because driving down the highway at 65mph he plowed into a doe. He totaled his work truck. Yep and thankfully since it wasn't preventable his company has told us we don't need to come up with the deductible or anything. We have free use of it with him as a manager so they didn't care that he was driving it at night. Dave worked the next morning, luckily he had another work truck here at the house for another employee and so he just used it. I had to take all the kids to Damien's soccer game. He's starting to understand it a bit more but he's more about socializing with friends as you can see. lol
Saturday afternoon after my last attempt of getting Kmart doubles there were TONS of sirens going off during my shopping trip. I figured there had been a bad accident or something. Came home and found out through Facebook that one of my good highschool friends had been murdered. I actually found out BEFORE they announced he was murdered that, that was indeed how his death occured. Someone has posted RIP Josh and then someone emailed and said they heard he was stripped and beat to death with a bat. All they said for 3 days was that it may be a homicide. It is very upsetting that his death appears to be been bragged about, gotten around town first. You can imagine his killers were caught quickly. They just announced today some more details. He was asked to come to an apartment so he did. People were hiding in the apartment, they duct taped him first, ambushed him and beat him to death and then stuck him back in his car a few blocks away. Tomorrow we go to his funeral. I am dreading it so much.
I couldn't even face going to church the next day because I knew it would be too emotional. Dave suggested we skip out and take the kids to the zoo so that's what we did. After thinking so much about Josh's kids we just wanted to spend the day with ours and remember how blessed we are.

What's been going on HERE lately

2010-03-29T10:29:00.005-05:00

So the past month I discovered Huggies put out a coupon on coupons.com for $3 off 1 package. If you friend them on Facebook they have another $3 there as well! Here's a few steals I was able to get. Of course I have a ton of register rewards now but I am A-OK with that! :)

This stash was $26.97 + tax
This was $13.11 plus tax
This total was $35.
$12.00
Now no Huggies but I paid $14.95 for all of it and I thought that was awesome!
And if anyone knows how to build storage cabinets please feel free to come over and build something for me because I really look like a hoarder right now with diaper packages and other junk everywhere. LOL!

Dominic and His Robot

2010-03-26T09:41:00.000-05:00

Single-Stream Recycling

2010-03-23T14:37:00.005-05:00

We have been avid recyclers now for about 2-3 years. Before that it was just cans, glass and paper. Our town recently went to single-stream recycling. A good majority of people objected to it because of the increase to their bill and thought how could you recycle with everything thrown together? I'm not sure if everyone else in their cities have started but basically you throw everything together, no bags. When it came down to it though everyone wanted to try out these cool karts. We live in the country but off a main road so we were offered a cart. In town you get picked up twice a month, here in the country, once. That for us is going to be a huge drawback because we recycle so much. They'd like no bags but with us in the country we are allowed because of the once a month deal. We normally put out 12-15 of the tall blue trash bags out in a month. I also have a bag of cans but we take them in for cash. We currently throw maybe 2 bags of trash in our poly kart a week, if that. I'd say about 95% of our trash is recyclable.

I love the fact that I can have an extra easy chore for one of the kids. ;) We recycle so much that they can easily take out a big trash can every day (or other day) light as can be and dump it.
Our town is not mandatory however I know alot of nearby ones are. Offering a nice fancy kart though I'd say nearly everyone here is doing it. Anyone else doing single-stream?

Some New Pictures

2010-03-18T09:12:00.005-05:00

I have tons of new pictures but here's a few of my favorites. Rocco is 3 1/2 months now and growing so fast! We're still plugging away at breastfeeding and he's co sleeping and still waking every night. At this point I've been waking every night for so long (October 2008) it would be totally odd if he started sleeping through. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Mia and Sophia adore their little brother. I have to watch them all the time.
Damien playing Xbox.
Rocco enjoying the swing.
Mia being goofy!
Rocco
Alex on Valentine's Day. She's getting so grown up! Almost 10!
Sophia right before leaving for church
The boys. Dominic wasn't real happy about doing a picture. lol
Sophia
Mia. She looks just like Alex did at her age though. It's so weird because you can't tell the difference between the two when you look at old pictures!

Goodbye Old Friend

2010-03-16T11:35:00.003-05:00

March 5th turned out to be one of the hardest days of my life. We have lost 2 other dogs before Bailey but this was the first time we'd put one down. Our first "baby" Dusty died Oct 2005 at 8 yrs old when he couldn't make it across the highway in time. Our 2nd was shot believe it or not in town before we moved out here in the country. Dusty had been shot too but lived however she was taken by some coward in the country and dumped off. Both experiences were horrific. This one was different because we actually ended his life.

Bailey had been slowing down. With the cold weather and being inside loafing he had really packed on the pounds. I was constantly nudging him to get out to go potty or even get out of his bed. March 2nd it was around 60 degrees so I put him outside so he could run around. Usually when it's nice he starts to lose weight because he's out more. Well that night I couldn't find him but could here him sorta whining like he normally does when he wants in. I went out and a sinking feeling came over me because I knew his back had went out again. It happened about a year and a half ago and I found him in the same spot in the flower bed unable to walk. I brought him in and hoped that maybe he'd walk again quickly because he was atleast able to use his front legs this time. After 3 days though it hadn't, he wouldn't eat or drink and he was just looking miserable and so sad so we made the decision to put him down. I decided to stand outside the door and Dave held Bailey because he sometimes will bite at needles and I didn't want to see any of that. They planned to open the door for me to be with him after the injection but he died within the second they did it. Our vet told us when it happens that way they are ready to go. I came in though and cuddled him anyways.

Bailey was our oldest dog at 12 years and as I compare pictures of what he looked like younger to what he looked like now it's just odd. I guess I really didn't see him a few weeks ago as old but he really was and he was acting it too but I was too busy to notice. I feel awful for what we did, I keep wondering if I would have waited if he could have recovered but then we both knew it was just probably going to become a vicious cycle since Dachshunds are prone to this. The first time took 3 weeks before he regained use of his legs, tons of steriods and a $400 vet bill. I'm doing better with letting him go, the first week was hard and we had so many routines with him that everything I do is a constant reminder. From giving him scraps after meals to going out with me when I took care of the other animals and of course his walks with the kids to the bus everyday. It's hard.

Potty Training Nightmare

2010-02-15T14:56:00.002-06:00

I've been trying to potty train Mia now for quite some time however the past 2 weeks we've been really at it. She's 3 now, she needs to go on the pot. She knows what she's supposed to do and where to do it. Problem is if we put her in panties and clothes, she pees and poops in them 50% of the day. Pull ups are much easier but then she just does the same in them too. Today she was in panties only and pooped through onto my couch!!! She pooped earlier this morning on the toilet. I'm at a loss here. I've been using my cell phone timer having it play the Gummi Bear song which she loves and that works pretty well but then she stil has accidents in between. Suggestions?? My other 3 were not this hard to train!!

Benign!

2010-02-08T13:07:00.002-06:00

Well I got my good news while I was driving to my follow up appointment today. It was benign! YAY God! I am so thankful!

My appointment went well. My 2 incisions and belly button seem to be healing great but my belly button is still SORE! I tried on a pair of jeans today and there was just no way I could wear them. First they rubbed my belly button and second, I barely fit in them. :( When I came home from the hospital last week I had gained 10 lbs in fluid. Add in about 100 balloon-fuls of air ( just an example of how I feel!) and well the jeans are just not going to work. I've lost all the fluid however the gas is still a big issue. It started getting at the worst just over the past 3 days. I woke up to get Rocco a few nights ago and as soon as I stood to walk to his bassinet, I let out about a 3-4 second burp. Dave sat up and said "OMG are you OK?!" I was abit mortified and just told him how badly I couldn't sleep because of the gas building. As soon as I lay down at night my stomach bubbles like a brew and you can feel and hear it!! If I sit up I let out the most disgusting tasting burp. So sleeping has really sucked the past few days. Hopefully this will pass soon!

We've had so much craziness going on around here with this and everything else. We discovered before we knew I was going to need surgery that my husband's bonus is going to be short about $8,000. They changed their bonus program to do a lump bonus instead of quarterly. When you figure it that way, well you don't make much of a bonus as you do figuring it quarterly. Corp. had a smart plan to benefit themselves. We were going to use that money to buy a new to us Suburban for us all to fit in but now we'll have only $2500 coming to us on bonus. Then our health insurance jumped $60 a month. Then we did $2,500 on our FSA to pay for Rocco and now we are barely scraping by since dh's check is $270 less a month with the FSA money and extra insurance. Then I debated this stupid surgery because it's probably going to be another $2,500 out of pocket max that we'll meet and well we have no money at all for it! lol (Oh but we can use my dh's small bonus I guess! lol) Before surgery I basically threw out a test to God in a prayer. I told him that in the next 3 months I want to see nothing but positives for our family. I test him because I know he will comply. So in the past week I got 3. Successful surgery, kept my ovary, mass benign. So now we'll just sit back and see what other blessings he can throw at us because I'm sitting here waiting to catch them.

Recovery

2010-02-03T13:55:00.008-06:00

Surgery was yesterday and it went very well. I am on Percocet and Motrin right now so hopefully I make sense in what I write. Monday afternoon I started a liquid diet so by 4 am when we woke to get ready I was starving. We arrived at 5:30 and waited to be called in for prep. My OBGYN came in and we talked about the mass for a few. I had told her at my pre-op that I was fine with doing the laproscopy and taking the ovary instead of doing basically a c-section to save it. The less invasive the better since I really don't have time to sit around and recover. lol She basically wanted to make sure I was still ok with her doing a lap because she knew if it all possible I wanted to keep my ovary. I told her this time "just do what is easiest for you." I was told if the surgery went well we'd come back to the room to recover and if not I would be taken on the elevator to a regular room. So after prep they allowed Dave to come in and we waited together until my surgery time. This is my 4th surgery with a general and that he wasn't allowed in. After our hugs and kisses they wheeled me back to the cold OR and transferred me onto the operating table. I laid down and went to sleep about 30 seconds later. lol

The worst part of a general is coming to however the last couple experiences have not been too bad. I felt like they were literally screaming "Sabrina" at me over and over which was rather annoying. Then they had me on oxygen because I wasn't breathing well and I was turning purple from being so cold. I got a major case of the shakes so they put a tube that bursts hot air into my Bair Paw gown. Everything was so blurry but I saw the clock and it said 10:10 am and my surgery started at 7:30 am and was told it would only be 1 hour long. I knew at that point that something was wrong or had happened to make it last that long. After getting all the EKG stats and me stabilized after coming to they started rolling me back to recovery. I was awake enough that I was watching which way we were going and when we turned to the hallway with all the curtains for the other recovery rooms I at least knew I would be going home that day!

No one had told me anything yet. I never saw my Dr because she went and talked to Dave since he was more coherent than I was. lol They let him come in and I started asking him questions first being why was my surgery so long? He told me that my Dr decided to try with all her might to SAVE the ovary even though the mass was connected to the blood supply. She succeeded. She came to the waiting room and told Dave it took an extra hour or so to do it, but she did it! I told him maybe it was like a challenge to her to see if she could. I think performing even my 6th C-section sounded fun to her when I first became her patient as she had never had that many on a woman before. I can't wait till my post-op appointment next week to thank her. She told him it WAS a Dermoid cyst and we should find out by Friday as far as it being benign or malignant. With Dermoids you only have about a 3% chance of them being cancerous. So the wait begins.

I was in the recovery room till about 2 PM and came home. I hurt pretty bad. This really feels no different than a C-section. I told my mom and everyone else I don't see how they can do something like this and let someone go home the same day. The narcotics are keeping the pain pushed back a bit but are making me groggy and tired as ever which is why I only take them for about 2 days after a section. My mom and grandmother cared for the kids yesterday and my mom by the end of the day was telling me she didn't know how I did it all and was ready to leave. lol Dave's mom was here after I had Rocco and said the same thing however she actually broke down crying by the end of week 1 and was ready to go but her plane ticket she was stuck here for a whole 'nother week. lol

Today I am still chugging along, still sore but it's only been alittle more than 24 hours. I've been up on my feet the whole time I've been back and trying to clean and do what I can. My husband has been on me about relaxing but I can't. If I sit, that's when I feel the pain so it's better for me to be up. Breastfeeding has been a challenge because just like a c-section the whole front area is sore so I can only do football holds. I'm doing one now with him propped on pillows as I type this. :)

So now we pray and wait for them to call with path results. I think this was sort of a wake up call from God. I think he honestly did this to make me realize I was not being logical and was being naive. I wasn't thinking about what this would mean to others if I left it alone. I know I was so positive and praying that the mass would be gone at the 6 week visit and it was still there plain as day on the sonogram and THAT was a huge blow. I wanted to put it off as long as possible and even not mess with it but then after lots of reading and talking to others I knew I need to act, stop being stubborn and worrying about money and how to pay for another surgery. I prayed about it and God was telling me the same thing so that's why I went ahead and did it. God is mysterious but I have faith that these results later this week will be good and I can finally move on.

The 2 Week Wait

2010-01-19T14:03:00.005-06:00

I've got exactly 2 weeks left with my beloved left ovary. To bad my 2 week wait isn't for something else. :( lol I'm trying to make light on a sad situation. You know I am sad but I can't help but feel blessed. I've got this unexpected baby and after playing the April Fool's Day I'm pregnant joke for 2 years, I found out I was pregnant on that day and it was no joke! I was frustrated, sad and freaking out at the thought of a 6th C-section and while I was growing this baby, I was growing something else in there. If it wasn't for Rocco, we would have had no idea anything was wrong. Hopefully this will all end as soon as it's removed and tested. In a way I think this is part of a calling from God. I know I have a decent chance of getting pregnant with one ovary but I've felt the need to internationally adopt for a few years. Maybe this is what God is wanting us to venture towards in the next few years, who knows. We will have alot of medical bills to pay off this year before anything else goes on around here. lol I know even with this obstacle God has big plans for us in the next year because we're a big family. :) So while I sit in the passenger seat I will trust him and let him drive.

Rocco at 6 weeks

2010-01-15T10:14:00.003-06:00

o

rThought I'd post some pictures of Rocco at 6 weeks! He's growing up FAST! The biggest thing is how long he is already. It took him 3 weeks before he caught up to his birth weight again but he grew in length big time. He's starting to notice people, coo, and he's smiley if you talk softly to him while cuddling. Very sweet little guy! He looks around and kicks like crazy when he's excited. We are just now getting over the baby acne. All our kids were cursed with it and it's so aggravating so see their pretty little faces turn so bumpy!

Wishing No News Was Good News

2010-01-12T12:56:00.005-06:00

I haven't updated for awhile so I thought I would jump on here. Rocco is 6 weeks old as of today. He is a charmer! So sweet. I love him so so much. The kids are head over heels over him always loving on him. The first 2 weeks breastfeeding were painful! I swear I never thought after quitting when Sophia was 7 months old and starting again when she was 13 months I would have felt that much beginning of breastfeeding pain. At 2 weeks I went in for an incision check. It healed perfect, I feel great, no post partum issues so far like after Sophia but then my new OB had some news she waited until the visit to share. Apparently during surgery she found some sort of growth on my ovary. Turns out C-sections can be blessings in disguise because the Dr's get an inside look. She said it was firm but sort of squishy so she wanted to wait till my 6 week visit to see if maybe it would go away like some common ovarian cysts do or if this was something else we would be dealing with. Yesterday I went in for that visit and did the sonogram she called for. I went in there just positive that it was gone and this was going to be no big deal however it still is there, a 2 cm solid mass. She said it seems to look like a dermoid cyst but they need to get it out and send it off to Pathology. Only about 2% can be malignant and cancerous but the longer you wait the bigger the risk. The biggest thing is it's connected to my ovary's blood supply so they have to remove it also. Kind of disappointing. So I have to do another Lap surgery soon. It's frustrating because Rocco's birth was so expensive and we haven't even got all the bills on that yet. I really don't want to do another lap surgery after the recovery i had with the last.

So now we have a consult and then will schedule the surgery. After the results we ran into someone from church in the lab. She knew what was going on so when I started crying and told her the result she laid hands right there. It really was calming and I'm sure people sitting around us were probably feeling a bit awkward but we didn't. I know God does things for a reason. There's a reason for this just like there was a reason he put the Children's Church Director in the lab in our path. He knew we needed comforted. It is sad that a piece of my childbearing will be missing but I can not be upset. I've been blessed so much the past few years. I am so grateful for what God has done for us.

Birth Pictures

2009-12-08T15:09:00.005-06:00

Rocco Xzavier's Birth Story

2009-12-08T14:08:00.004-06:00

Rocco's a whole week old as of today. He's the sweetest little guy, shuts right up when you pick him up. lol He was born December 1st at 8:45 am our 6th C-section, weighing 9lbs 8.4 oz and 20.5 inches long.

I had been really worried about this birth being the 6th c-section and about everything my old OB had said during my previous surgeries about how bad it was getting in there with scar tissue. However I was much more at peace this time around. I knew there was no getting out of the surgery and that I was pretty sure it was in God's favor that everything would go fairly well. lol I actually slept from midnight till 4 am when the alarm went off. If you've ever had a planned c-section or surgery you know how big of a deal this is since usually you can't sleep at all. When we arrived at 5:30 am, I didn't start puking like I did with Sophia. I got in bed and let them start poking and prodding me for pre-op. The first thing is usually the IV which after the 6th time they finally were able to get it in but in the weirdest spot for an IV (on the inside of my elbow) It happens every time and after 6 shots of burning numbing agent put in just so they could keep jabbing me, I was good with the inside elbow although it was awkward with moving my arm. I am veinless when it comes to blood and IV's so I kept quiet hoping I wouldn't have to say anything but in the end I did. After that, the blood, and filling out forms we were pretty much good to go. We had a long talk with the nurse anesthesiologist about some of the things I always experience when I have a spinal. Mainly my BP drop and the feeling of not being able to breathe and dying. The nurse anesthesiologist girl told me it was all pretty normal from the spinal when it starts traveling through the body. Totally opposite of what the guy with Sophia told me. lol Because my new OB didn't know what she was getting into she did a spinal with an additional epidural just incase my surgery was extra long.

We were to go in at 7:30 but Dr had a meeting so we had to wait till 8 am. They wheeled me in and did all the fun stuff while Dave waited outside. I arched like a cat and waited for the numbness in my legs to start. After that they laid me down and that horrible feeling started again. My blood pressure dropped and I started throwing up. It was awful. She said it was still all normal from the spinal and the bp drop. Luckily it finally passed and then Dave was allowed in. Dr talked to everyone else helping her, I didn't hear too much but had Dave there to chat with. I was so relaxed I almost fell asleep during the whole thing. I could smell lots of burning. Dave told me when she talked to him afterwards that she cleaned up alot of my scar tissue and that's what it was. She told him they were getting ready and to stand up and start snapping pictures. He said "now?" I sort of heard it but it was kind of funny when she said, "I don't have anything to hide." So we got lots of shots of him being pulled right out of my stomach. She must have heard some stories about my old OB not letting anyone take pictures until they pulled them out and held them up towards the curtain. I don't know but when they put him up by that curtain I could feel something dripping and can just assume he was peeing all over me! LOL! He screamed and then Dave left which is what we have always done while I am sewn back together. By 9:30 it was all done. This was my first time with disposable staples so we'll see how that goes. She also gave me a pain pump which put medicine directly into my wound which was probably why I was able to get up only 12 hours after his birth. The last new thing she did was a drain which she said I probably wouldn't need it but she wanted to do it just in case.

By 4 pm I was not enjoying these new things added to surgery. Someone came in and said they heard I wanted the epidural off so I could feel my legs so they took that off. The girls put so much tape on my back that they ripped a small part of the skin off my back when removing it. I was not happy! Then at 8 pm I was out of bed. By 8 am the next day I demanded everything removed. I wanted up and out of the bed because my tailbone like usual was killing me. They abided on the cath and IV and ripped tons of tape off me again which had me screaming. I got the pump and drain out by noon with plenty of complaining but not without having tons more tape ripped from my tummy on that. The nice thing was that my OB told me after surgery I could have anything I wanted to eat or drink which shocked us since I'm used to a 24 hour liquid diet which sucks! I had an Arby's French Dip sandwich and a Sonic Chicken Strip sandwich the next day. I rarely eat hospital food! Dave was back and forth alot the 2 days I was in since his parents were at the house helping with the kids. The 2nd night I had him stay home with everyone at the house. We left at noon on the 3rd.

In all it was probably the best C-section experience I've had. It sounds as if my old OB that delivered the first 5 was either over exaggerating about my scarring or she was just scared to deal with it. With Sophia I turned purple all the way across my belly from her taking her out. She yelled at me during her birth that she was avoiding all the scar tissue and just going around it. Well with this new Dr she mentioned to Dave that it wasn't as bad as what she thought it was going to be like in there. She had done all this advance planning, ordered extra blood incase I hemorrhaged, extra procedures for afterwards and it was a "fairly simple surgery." She came in the next morning after his arrival and brought me a Santa fleece blanket and gave me a big hug telling me how happy she was that everything went so well. I was really worried in the beginning about switching OB's but now I can't see myself with anyone else in that "department."

7 Days....or 6 1/2 If You're Anal Like Me :)

2009-11-24T13:55:00.003-06:00

So we are on the home stretch finally. I am so ready....well sort of. I had so much anxiety attack me that morning of surgery last year with Sophia's birth, I am praying for peace that it doesn't happen again. It's very hard though having Dr's saying all the horrible things that could go wrong. The last 2 times my OB was actually right. She said with Mia I would most likely have scar tissue. Then with Sophia she said that sometimes scar tissue can attach to the bladder and I might have problems. Luckily I just have a Uterbladder now (fused together) and didn't need the catheter or bladder repair she had mentioned. So here we go again with a new OB and hopefully she is able to get in there and get him out without much of a problem. I've asked her to walk me through what she sees. I would be pissed if she said it wasn't as bad as my last Dr made it out to be. lol!

We've had alot going on as usual. First Damien is doing his first sport, Basketball. He REALLY enjoys it. He is trying to figure out dribbling but like most of the other 4 yr olds on his team, they walk/run with the ball and dribble every so often. Dominic is sitting out this session and will be doing Basketball in January. He's really not digging that I'm making him wait, but as a mom of many, having too many kids doing sports and everything else can lead to everyday being jam packed with practices, clubs, etc. They'll have to take turns for now.

I was planning to quit as a Girl Scout leader, passing my troop to my C0-leader because of what this membership person has done the past few months. Mainly taking 2 of my girls/parents and starting a new troop which started a "friendship" war with our girls. Well she heard word that I was going to quit, took our girl's fund, and merged our girls with this other troop she had formed. This happened on a friday and I found out from my Co-leader thankfully as I was planning on using a check that weekend on a service project we were doing. I was beyond livid. I called her up Monday and told her I decided I was sticking around and not going anywhere. The only reason I was planning to leave in the first place was because this woman had stressed me out so bad since the leader of the troop she formed was Mrs. BetterthanU if you remember that name!! So she gave $880 of our girls money to this new leader who has never even been in Scouts and has no idea what she's doing. I told her point blank I was sticking around to make sure the money my girls raised was used on them in an appropriate way. 3 yrs ago when I took over the troop their cookie money had been embezzled and I am not going to let someone else just spend their money without having some say. So needless to say, I am only leading Juniors now but I am still involved with our girls. My Co-leader is leading our Brownies. Leaders have a group vote when it comes to spending the money. So far all is well but I still have yet to do the projects we had planned for November. Now they'll have to probably wait till after the baby.

Speaking of babies, we sadly didn't know that our new rabbit got pregnant last month. I noticed all her hair was falling out and inside of the nest box. I had no idea that rabbits pull their hair out and make a nest with it. She is completely bald on one side. I cleaned all the fur out of her box and stuffed it with pine shavings. Then apparently the next day she had 4 babies which all died because it was so cold outside that night. They were cute, perfect, spotted little Jersey Woolies with white fur coming in on them all. One was obviously a runt since he was much smaller. It was a really sad situation. We have her inside and from the buck right now and need to find her, her own hutch.

Sophia turned into a climbing machine at the beginning of 13 months so we've been trying to keep a close eye on her. She's climbing up the staircase on the bunkbeds, on the breakfast nook bench, on the couch, on Mia's toddler bed, and the worst one is that she climbs up the kiddo stepstool in the bathroom and then onto the vanity and stands up to the mirror!! We have a special stone tile throughout our house, similar to ceramic but actual stone. I'm so afraid she's going to fall off the couch on it or in the bathroom. We're shutting doors and constantly watching what the heck she's up to.

That's about the extent of new and exciting news here. December 1st is our C-section date. Dave's parents are coming in on Thanksgiving and I'm preparing us a dinner that evening. Hopefully if all goes well I'll be coming home on the 3rd with our little guy. Keep us in your prayers. :)

Sophia Gabriella - 1 Year

2009-10-28T10:52:00.004-05:00

I thought I'd post a few pictures and show the change. She is looking so grown up. No one believes she's 12 months! I think alot of it is because of our kids and their fast growing hair. Here she is trying to put on her shoes...................
Walking around outside........
She's not a sitting kid usually so getting her to stay still for a picture is almost impossible.
Catching her off guard.....
Right now the big thing with Sophia is dancing. She loves the ICarly theme song. She hears that drumming and then "I know you see...." and she comes flying in the front room shaking her hips. It's hilarious. She's a very happy girl, claps at everything, but lately she's starting to throw toys, hit things, and throw herself on the floor when she's mad. Acting alot like Mia. I am really hoping it ends because I don't really want 2 girls that way. She still sucks her thumb which I really don't care about too much, until she gets older. Her favorite foods now are graham crackers, grilled cheese, mac n cheese, waffles, pancakes, strawberries, grapes, bananas, sweet potatoes, potatoes with gravy. She's a pretty good eater, especially after getting 2 bottom molars. She loves Dora. She loves to climb stairs now which scares me to death and I'm constantly stopping her. She loves to join in when everyone beats up on daddy on the floor. She loves to hang out with her sisters and brothers. She gets excited waiting by the door when a bus shows up to drop off either Damien or the other 2. She's alot of fun to have around and it's neat to see her do new things each day.

I Am Still Alive, I Swear!

2009-10-22T12:50:00.006-05:00

Well my idea of posting more after the kids were in school went completely out the door. Having even just Mia and Sophia home half the day and trying to get other things done is a challenge. I do get online but usually it's 5 minutes here and there. I leave it on all day, just in case I can jump on.

Sophia just turned a year old last week. It's hard to believe it's went so fast. She surprised Dave and I by starting to walk at 10 months vs 14 for Mia. She's started climbing up things which has been really scary! The past year has been hard dealing with Mia and how she treats Sophia. She thinks she's doing good but hugging her in a choking position and pushing her while she walks are not funny or good things. I can't leave the 2 unsupervised for a minute in fear that she's going to hurt Sophia so I'm always putting her in her crib for safety if I need to go get the mail or whatever.

We've been really busy with activities. Dave is still working his crazy long days and most Saturdays too but we chug on. M-Thursday something is usually going on with 4-H, Girl Scouts, Awana, and Flag Football. I'm usually the one shuffling everyone where they need to go but if he makes it home before 7 he will help with what he can. Damien starts Basketball next month just as Football ends. This will be his first sport so it will be interesting to see how he does at it. After he's done then Dominic gets to play the next session of Basketball which he is so excited to play again. lol Alex enrolled herself in a slew of 4-H activities this year. She's doing Horses, Rabbits, Ceramics, Arts and Crafts, Foods, Buymanship, and Photography. Shoot me when the County Fair arrives. ;)

We added some new additions to our family this summer....

This is Romeo our new guinea pig. We got him in June, it's been about 2 years since we lost Vinnie and when Petco opened here, well I bought him. lol He's a sweet guy but very skittish which is opposite of Vinnie. Hopefully he's going to calm down as he gets older.

2 Jersey Wooly rabbits. The Broken Black/White is a buck, the Blue Otter is a Doe. We decided to try another breed for next year's fair. These are so much easier to handle than Mini Rex. Should be easier for Alex when it comes to Showmanship. We have yet to name them even though we got them in September. We are such good owners. lol!

I'm still doing Girl Scouts but decided to hand it over at the end of November right before the baby comes. Mainly because of the stress this new council woman is causing me but mostly because I need to take care of my own family and move on. December 1st is our scheduled C-section date. Everything so far has been textbook, no problems at all. Infact this is probably one of my easiest pregnancies. I have to wonder if this baby isn't as big as the last 3 because of certain TMI issues. But in general there's not much pressure, his kicks are not as high or hard, I can breathe easier. If he's bigger than Damien's whopping 9lbs 13 oz, I will be very surprised. It's hard to imagine that this could very well be our last baby. We've decided to wait on permanent measures but i will not be getting pregnant again at all or anytime soon. I need the break for my sanity. :) We have 40 days left as of today.

I'm back....maybe!

2009-09-02T09:49:00.006-05:00

Well we started school actually a few weeks back but I've still been quite busy with the girls in the morning and unable to get on here. Our summer in a nutshell went well. I think having 5 kids home all summer long was pretty much a shell shock once it started. June I felt like it was impossible to get anything done. I cleaned 24/7 constantly cleaning messes and straightening everything. Sophia is into everything too so she is dumping Xbox games everywhere and throwing toys out of containers just to throw them.

We planted our garden in May and it has done really well. With Dominic in 4 H as a Cloverbud we decided he could do Horticulture as a project however we didn't have much ready in time for the mid July County Fair. We entered 2 freak cucumbers and a plate of beef steak tomatoes, that was it. It seemed shortly after that though we had cantaloupe, tomatoes, peppers and everything else starting to appear. Now with September here, I am ready to till up and be done with it. I hope the frost hurries. lol We had a lot of grasshoppers this year and we grow organic so we had to already take out the corn. Our pumpkins died off this year from rabbits which was really sad. They ate the vines.

Kids had swimming lessons in June which they love every year. I was really worried Damien wouldn't get in and the first day he wouldn't so I got in with him but after that (and promising him a hotwheel car lol) he decided to hop in with his teacher. Alex and Damien have to retake their classes next year but Dominic the fish is on to Level 3.

I don't know how well I had talked about it in the past on here but when pregnant with Sophia at the very end my OB announced she was getting out of OB and just going to be doing GYN. I really hadn't planned for us to get pregnant when Sophia was only about 4 1/2 months old so I was upset she was quitting but not really worried. Well she kept me as a patient until I had my 20 week and sono and then told me I needed to transfer. It's been pretty scary considering this lady has done all my surgeries and i've been a patient of hers for 10 yrs now. I did however transfer in August, meeting my new OB a week ago. I went ahead and went with another woman and she is really nice. She spent a good 30 minutes with me talking about this 6th C-section and trying to ease my mind over all the fears. He will be making his appearance in 13 weeks. I'm pretty sure December 2nd will be the delivery day but the nurse has to call back with the time. I'm praying first case in the morning so i don't have to suffer for hours with no food. lol

I haven't posted pics for awhile so I'll end this long post with a few!

Silly Sophia
Alex's Slumber Party ~ 10 little 9 yr olds~ Daddy left me this night for a guy night out so I had 14 kids all by myself. Scary! lol And VBS- Damien on the right in front, Dominic 2nd row in the red, Alex has a candlestick behind her. lol

Expired

2009-07-31T15:24:00.002-05:00

Well as of today, I am no longer licensed to do daycare. We chatted it over and just doing it here and there for people is not worth the paperwork and money to keep up my license. Mainly I held onto it because if he lost his job, I wanted to be able to start earning us some money. I'm not sure if I'll go back into it or not. I figure 2 years would be the soonest if I did. I haven't had a full time kiddo since Mia was born which was about 2 1/2 years ago. So today we take down and send back my license and hope Dave never looses his job in this crazy economy. lol

The Lie

2009-07-29T08:34:00.002-05:00

Ok so I lie. It's usually fun when I take them all to the grocery store, it's just hard for me to concentrate on deals and keep them all quiet so no one stares.

You Know Me

2009-07-29T08:15:00.002-05:00

I get sad when I stop getting free things in the mail so I hunted for some new freebies today. :)

Free sample of Total cereal
freesample.totalcereal.com/

Free formula
http://www.parentschoiceformula.com/ImmuneSupportSurvey/

Free emergenc drink
http://www.emergenc.com/

Free diaper sample
http://www.huggiespureandnatural.com/freesample.aspx

Free Purevia sweetner
http://www.purevia.com/FreeSample.aspx

Free Pads
https://www.stayfree.com/wm

Free tampons
http://www.playtexsport.com/Demand-It.aspx

Gain laundry soap sample
http://www.ilovegain.com/febreze_freshness_sample.do

Free baby formula
http://www.membersmarkformula.com/free_sample.aspx

Free Ensure drink
https://ensure.com/registration/register.aspx?s=sample

Can't Wait Till He's Here!

2009-07-24T09:02:00.002-05:00

We found out Monday that we are indeed having a boy! I really thought for sure we'd have 4 girls but we seemed to have this trend. Girl, 2 boys, 2 girls, then back to a boy. I wonder if we went for #7 if it would be another boy? lol! Anyways we finished up with the 4 H County Fair yesterday so I am finally going to have some computer time and will be posting some pictures of his little very obvious wienie. lol It still really hard for me to believe when we were there seeing this baby doing all these things on the screen that he was in me. This has been a very easy pregnancy and I just don't feel pregnant except for this huge gut getting in my way and some little squirms here and there. I think with how busy life is it's just so easy to forget he's in there too.

Dave took off the week to help with the County Fair this year. It's really hard hustling these kids around to Judging and then dealing with the other 3. Alex is in her 2nd year of 4 H and Dominic is in it as a Cloverbud meaning he participates but he doesn't get any money for his ribbons. As his first year he did Plant Science/Horticulture since we grow gardens every year I knew I would have something for him to enter. If he wasn't a Cloverbud he would have taken home a Superior Purple on some JetStar Tomatoes. He got a First Place on Open Class for Largest Cucumber and a 2nd on Freak Vegetable which was a cuke that actually twisted and grew a tail! It lost to a twin cuke that looked like a a Popsicle Twin pop missing the sticks. Alex did awesome this year, several purples and one of her rabbits was a Reserve Champion of Best of Show and as far as his Variety he was the Champ.

I will try to post pictures later. First I have to get around for the day. It's been nice sleeping in till 8ish however August 19th starts school here and I am really worried about starting to wake up daily at 6 am again! The bus is here by 7 am and Damien's by 7:30 so there is no sleeping in when school starts! I however can't wait to have my computer time again, be able to visit blogs daily again! It's so hard because my daughter, now 9, is constantly peering over my shoulder on the computer saying "what are you doing??" She is so nosey! Hate it!

Hope everyone else is doing well this summer!

I Was Wrong

2009-07-08T13:11:00.002-05:00

I had the sono date off by a week. I'm pretty sure the receptionist had called me and rescheduled but there was so much going on that I forgot to change my calender! The new date was at the same time as a 4 H judging event Alex is participating in so I moved it to the 20th at 1 pm. So alittle bummed but we'll live. I'm 18 weeks now and I'll be 20 then. I have to say this pregnancy seems to be at a stand still on the time factor. I feel great though and that's all that matters. No morning sickness really to speak of and everything seems to be going well. I forget I'm pregnant half the time until I take off my shirt and see my huge belly bulging. We bought a nice 18 ft above ground pool for the kids and I put my suit on last night barely able to get the tankini part to cover my belly. So here we wait for another 12 days.......

2 More Days

2009-07-06T08:46:00.003-05:00

Well Wednesday is the big sono day and we will soon know what #6 is! Very exciting yet scary that this is real. I've been so busy that I've put remembering I'm pregnant on the back burner. I hardly ever feel kicks but I don't even sit around ever during the day to really notice.

We've had alot going on and I'll have to put up some pictures. Damien turned 4 yesterday. When I started this blog, I was about 20 weeks pregnant with him. He is really growing into quite the little man. He's learning words but still is not talking anywhere close to a 4 yr old level. More like 18-24 months. He tries so hard though and is always cracking us up with his charades to help us figure out what he's talking about. Last night at Target he saw some swimming pool things and so he fell on the floor jabbering acting like he was swimming. lol

Dominic and Alex will be entering items in the 4 H County Fair very soon. This is the most stressful month out of the year for me because of all the preparing. We've got to find 2 outfits for Alex to model, she needs to enter 4 photographs she's taken, she's making 4 baking products, and she's entering 3 rabbits and showing her grand champion Quest. Dominic is entering a plate of cukes, a plate of tomatoes, and showing a rabbit. The biggest stress for me right now is the cukes. My father seems to think that the cucumbers I'm growing need to be plucked because they are about 14 inches long, very large, and will not taste the best however the fair is not for 3 weeks and Dominic needs to have 5 for his plate. The tomatoes should not be a problem since there's a zillion growing. The garden we're growing this year is already showing great results so whatever else I can get in 3 weeks I will have Dominic enter in something called Open Class which is meant for anyone to enter in. We should have bell peppers and some different hot peppers ready by then.

I hope everyone had a great 4th weekend! It was nice for me because Dave took off friday so he had a 3 day weekend with us. We stuck up a 18 ft above ground pool we bought for the kids and I got a horrible sunburn which I am still dealing with. We had a BBQ at my sister's and then Damien's party on the 5th. It was really too short. By the end of the night I was really down that Dave would be going back to work today. I am still having a rough time with him always being gone so much, what is this like 2 years he's been in management now? lol I have just learned to do what's most important around here and take it one day at a time. That's about all you can do when he's gone 13-14 hours a day.

6 more weeks till the rugrats are back in school! I will be able to post more again! lol! Right now I have 2 computers that they both are on constantly with Webkinz. I think we are up to about 15 of those stupid animals now.

I Think I Need To Change The Blog Picture

2009-06-19T13:24:00.002-05:00

To the one of my white couch in the basement with red marker all over it. Yes Mia is still at it. At almost 2.5 yrs I think we would have this curbed by now.

2009-06-09T08:55:00.004-05:00

This poor blog has been put on a back burner. lol There's been so much going on. It's just hard to really post much of anything without being interrupted. I guess the biggest thing lately is that Alex turned 9 on the 6th! Hard to believe I have a soon to be 4th grader. She went to our church camp last M-F and had a great time. She says she is for sure doing it again next year. I was pretty anxious without contact with her for that long but I knew alot of the parents who were sponsors and knew they'd call if anything was wrong. But it was weird because she had to be the big girl I hadn't really let her be. Shower with no help, dress without me there picking out her stuff, getting to and from places on camp without my direction. Maybe that's what she enjoyed so much, no nagging Mom! She and 2 cousins plan on going to another bible camp here in town in about a month. She was all up for it so I said ok!

The second biggest noticable thing around here is Mia's language explosion. She's starting to say all sorts of crazy things. This week has been "that's AWESOME!" and "cool!!" Last week repeating Daddy right after he said it, she said "over your plate damn it!" lol!! The other day her and Damien had a gibberish conversation in the kitchen which was hilarious. I could pick out words from both here and there but they seemed to know exactly what each other was saying. She's still so defiant and loud which is polar opposite of Alex. Hopefully one of these days she'll realize the way she acts isn't lady like.

Damien has been speaking a bit better as well. We pretty much *I think* have gotten rid of his tongue thrust however the Apraxia is still holding him way back. He went from calling everything "dis" for years to now he's trying to say the words once he thinks about it but everything begins with a D. He actually starts his summer speech therapy today. I wanted to enroll him in the normal preschool at our local school district this year so he'd be at school with his siblings but because he still need such intense therapy (3 out of 5 days) we're going to keep him at his EI school.

Other than that not too much has been going on. Dave trained a guy so hopefully he won't have to be out in the field working till 7+ PM. He had been working 2-3 hours away in Western Kansas by the OK and CO borders. Really frustrating. I magically popped yesterday because my pants are not wanting to fit now and my belly button is hurting today. My belly button hurt alot with Sophia and my assumption is the laproscopic surgery I had for my gall bladder produced some scar tissue. At only 14 weeks I have a LONG way to deal with that pain if it continues! lol I still am going to my OBGYN who has quit doing the OB part of it so I really need to find another Dr. I have an appointment tomorrow and I know she's going to be asking if I found a new Dr yet. I think I'll tell her I was really hoping she'd just let me stick around. lol!! Kinda like the guy on Office Space with the red stapler. It's going to be hard going to someone else, she's been there through all our babies.

So that's about it. Been feeling really blessed with everything God has given us. We recently had an insurance agent/friend come over who's trying to get us to look at the future (aka:life insurance, will) and tell us how well we have it compared to others our age with much less in kids where debt is running their lives. We might not have everything everyone else does in life but we are content with what we do have. I don't want money to ruin everything. And even if I never do convince Dave to put $40K into our house for renovations, I will be content with my one bathroom. lol!

Wingin' It

2009-05-29T14:51:00.005-05:00

The kids have been out of school for a week now and so far it's going.....ok. lol I have had a hard time keeping the boys from fighting (doesn't everyone?) and Mia from hanging all over Sophia and harming her. Alex is a big help with the kids from keeping Sophia busy so that I can make lunch to helping the boys on the Wii or computer websites since they don't know what the heck they're doing. We have just been wingin' each day though, no real schedule.

I've been trying to keep them busy with all sorts of things but it's been hard plus keeping up the house. The other day I actually felt so overwhelmed by everything I thought of going back on the Prozac pills. I went cold-turkey once I found out we were pregnant. Dave has been working horribly long hours the past week which has made it worse for me. He's been leaving at 6 am and coming home at 7, one day at 8pm!!! 12 hour days are hard enough for me as it is but when I fix dinner and have to do that whole process plus baths myself I just want to throw in the towel and say screw it. Next week Alex will be gone the whole week to church camp so it'll be interesting to see how I function since she's such a helper. I know I will get through this though, I always do.

Today we finished our garden and HOPEFULLY the rest of it will grow strong. It's hard to tell

much by this picture because I put some fresh grass clippings on the rows for weed barrier but there is 5 tomato plants in the front row, 20 different varieties of peppers growing behind and then cantaloupe and cucumbers growing off on the side. I can't believe how tall things are getting already and that a tomato plant already has a yellow flower on it! The bare earth on the side is corn rows and then over alittle more is carrots and pumpkins.

Here's a few other pictures I've taken recently....

Damien still won't get into the hot tub but stands on the stairs. lol

Alex with her awards from the awards ceremony. She got a KU reading award, A Honor roll, the medal is for Honor Roll and she got a perfect attendance for the quarter.

Dominic's Kindergarten graduation. Hard to believe he's going to be a First Grader next year!!

Already?

2009-05-26T15:58:00.004-05:00

The other day I noticed Sophia's top gums as she was laughing or crying looked like maybe she was hiding some teeth inside there so I decided to poke around. I couldn't believe that I felt something sharp on the bottom! 7 months old and she's getting her first tooth! My kids never get teeth this early so it was a bit shocking. I would take a picture but I don't think she'll hold still for me to do it.

Sophia's Dedication

2009-05-19T08:41:00.004-05:00

We had Sophia dedicated on Mother's Day with about 5 other little babies. It was cute seeing all her future Children's church friends. lol

She Did It Again

2009-05-19T08:18:00.005-05:00

Well this year I was unable to keep up with cleaning out the old BBQ grill and the bird made her nest again and plopped 6 eggs in it. It has to be the same stupid bird. How many birds make nests in grills every year for 3 years? I clean it out several times and she tries to put the nest in there over and over through the summer. I figured after the eggs, 6 of them, I'm not going to kill unborn babies so I let her go for it. This is the 3rd year she has done this so after they grow up and move out, I am getting rid of this grill!!! We haven't used it ever since the first nest because I thought it was unsanitary after a bird has been pooping on the grate and throwing hay everywhere. Thankfully our new grill has tiny side holes so no birds can get in it!

Kayleigh

2009-05-12T21:39:00.003-05:00

There really are no words. I have cried off and on all day since reading this morning that Kayleigh lost her battle. This little girl has touched so many people with her strong will and determination. After reading almost a year of all her ups and downs, I feel like I've lost one of my own children.

http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/
If the link doesn't work you can go to the little hand on my followers and click there to go to her blog.

Saying NO to night comfort nursing!

2009-05-12T09:04:00.003-05:00

I'm ready to take a stand before my child drives me to the grave. Sophia is keeping me up for hours every night for no reason. My husband thinks it's teething, however I'm pretty sure it's comfort nursing. As soon as I pull away she wakes up and starts crying. I try putting back in her bed in our room giving her a bottle and she'll drink some and start crying again. As long as I have her on my chest though, she's quiet and will drift off asleep. I pull away, she wakes right back up. It's terrible. I try getting away from her in bed and she shuffles over, claws, roots around and starts screaming then goes for her thumb for a few minutes before screaming some more.

So I have no idea how to curb it. Bottles are a 5 minute fix. It took about 4 hours until she finally gave up around 5:30 this morning and drifted off to sleep. I'm pooped!

Nearing The End

2009-05-07T14:46:00.002-05:00

School ends in less than 3 weeks and I have assured myself I can do this. Well really there is no other choice. lol Does anyone else feel like that? I've got my daughter going to our church camp for a week. Dominic will go to a day basketball camp the same week she is gone. I think he will be in ball as well. Alex will not. He will be homeschooled this summer so he doesn't fall behind. Since he's not 9 weeks behind the school says he doesn't qualify for summer schooling. He's actually doing really well in school but we're afraid he's going to lose it all this summer. There's swimming lessons and some other little things they'll be doing through the summer but it still probably won't help with the daily chaos. The torture, fighting, and teasing. (sigh) I am usually not hard on them about chores but this summer they will be helping out A LOT. I've got vinegar and water bottles ready.

Someone asked me the other day if we were going to be selling our house since we were having another little one. Apparently she'd like to buy our place if we are thinking about looking. I did start looking online that day after talking to her finding a few places in town with 5-10 acres for around $200,000. We owe about $80K on our house and it's worth about $110K. Once I started thinking about it though and thinking how much cheaper it would be just to do the remodel, we would be stupid to put ourselves in that much debt just for another bathroom and alot more land. I believe we can stay here no problem as long as we hurry and do the addition on our house. I have contentment with what I have. I don't need anything more than this but as the kids grow, 1 bathroom is not ideal.

It really got me thinking of how lucky and blessed we are presently. We have very little debt and have lived on 1 income now for over 2 years when I quit doing daycare. We have a nice car, nice belongings and don't hold back on buying things because we usually have the money for it. Totally different than some friends or even family we have. I would hate to jack that up though. Everything seems to go well here for us although I still despise someone's LONG hours.

I have been super busy lately thus the reason I have been lacking on posting. Seems like every morning I'm running to a store or church function. As soon as 1 pm hits I collapse and take a 2 hour nap. I'm exhausted and hungry all the time. If I don't eat like a pig I feel like I'm going to die. And we are continuing to breastfeed which probably makes it worse. So always something going on here. This weekend is no different. My sister is coming to town so our whole family is going out to breakfast, my other sister is graduating college. Sophia is going to be dedicated on Mother's day. We have small group and finally I get to watch my awesome 17 yr old cousin Jordan be baptised. Hopefully I won't be sleeping through all these events. lol

Just Put It On Already!

2009-04-27T13:12:00.001-05:00

About 3 or 4 months ago, I told my daughter that it was about that time when she put something on called deodorant. I didn't want to give her specifics about what it was for, I just told her it would make her smell good since it's baby powder. 3-4 months later I am having to hassle her about doing it daily and finally gave her the lowdown that she occasionally stinks. I had to just be blunt to get the point across, and I thought that had worked. I don't know if kids just can't smell themselves or what but she just doesn't understand she needs to wear it DAILY. She told me the other day "I haven't been running around or anything..."

So as we are struggling with such a petty stinky little thing, I think of all the other older girl things that will start coming up in the next few years. Shaving, bras, and periods. It scares me.

1st Sono for Baby #6

2009-04-20T20:14:00.000-05:00

Well first I am so happy my husband took the time off to come just incase. I was really worried since this sono was on the 20th and on the 21st of April, 5 years ago, I miscarried a baby so I didn't know how I would handle it if we would have found out something happened to this one. The sono however revealed a 7 weeker with a 140 bpm heartrate jumping around in there. Really happy and relieved! So my due date was moved from the 2nd to the 8th! YAY!

Wits End

2009-04-17T11:25:00.003-05:00

I am in my basement this morning washing Dominic's bedding AGAIN. For the 4th time this week. I am really sad that the removal of his tonsils didn't get rid of the bedwetting like they told me it probably would. Well, it did for a few weeks and then it just came back. He has no idea or he'll wake up in the middle of it and run to the bathroom. Dave has been getting him up at 11 again and it's a 50/50 chance by 6:30 am that he's peed the bed again. He hasn't been in pull ups for a few years now so this has just been how it's been. I am so tired of it. We've tried the cutting out drinks after a certain time, nothing seems to work. Damien has NEVER wet his bed in atleast a year. Quite a difference!

Easter Weekend Pictures

2009-04-16T15:29:00.001-05:00

The Goal

2009-04-16T12:18:00.002-05:00

Was 6 months. I wanted to keep breastfeeding Sophie ATLEAST 6 months. It's hard to believe that I have gotten us to this goal but what is sad is that it took me 5 kids to get there. This has made me realize several things about myself. I am lazy. I have the time, I just didn't want to make time in the past. I didn't want to be consistant and gave up every time. The longest I did with any of them before this was 4 months with Damien. Wow. It's hard to admit those things as a mom but I know they are all true. I''m not going to be kicking myself for the past though. So now I've set 1 year as my next goal. I am thinking we can do it as long as I don't dry up with being pregnant however I feel like I've been a milking cow for so often now I should be able to keep going even while pregnant. lol

2nd Beta Result

2009-04-15T08:45:00.003-05:00

I got my result yesterday and my beta was 10,200 on Monday so everything seems to be going well. I guess around 7 weeks is when the number starts to not double so they think it looks great. I am also temping to make sure I look ok and my temps have been in the 98's except for 1 day it was 97.8. After I got off the phone I did a little happy dance having Mia give me a high five so I think I wanted this more than I originally thought. lol!! I'm just more freaked out than anything. I asked Dave how excited he was we were having another and he did the little back and forth waver thing with his hand but I can tell in his face with that nervous grin that he's feeling about like I am. lol!! We have our first sono on Monday at 1:30!

Sophia at 6 months

2009-04-13T12:42:00.002-05:00

First HCG Beta

2009-04-08T15:21:00.000-05:00

It appears it is low (1734) but is in the 5-6 week mark which is where I told her I thought I would be. We have a 2nd beta coming up on Monday so hopefully this number goes up quite a bit! I'm hopeful since my temp is remaining high but still a worried momma!

So Far So Good

2009-04-07T10:25:00.003-05:00

Went to my 1st appointment yesterday. We did a urine sample, blood pressure, weight, a lovely exam, and blood work. She wants to do a few betas and then will I guess figure the best time to do an early sono. This way they can date the baby better but I'm pretty sure with only having 2 cycles 20 days apart since Sophia's birth that I probably had a short cycle of 28 days making me 6 weeks. Those tests just turned too quickly last week for me just to have found out.

I was alittle worried my OB would be upset seeing me pregnant already but she was great. Everything went well until I got undressed and on the table, then the girls started getting crazy in the double stroller screaming and crying. Oh joy! They took forever making it worse!! I ended up pulling Sophia out and on my lap and nursing her with the paper thing on my legs and the cover thing on my neck. That was talent I tell ya!! lol I will be going there until 14 weeks and then we will transfer somewhere else for the rest of the pregnancy.

My step sister apparently told my mother I was pregnant from seeing some things I had wrote on facebook. I guess I got too comfortable and figured no one would blab. She's been calling and coming over trying to get it out of me but I keep telling her she must know something I don't. lol! She was saying what an awful thing it would be if I was pregnant again IN FRONT of my 9 yr old niece yesterday when she came over. We don't have room, I can't keep up and how I don't need a Brady Bunch. So anyways I'm avoiding my mother for now and she can keep calling and I will be doing dishes, baths or changing poopy pants. She is not happy at all that I am not telling her. All she wants to do is say "I knew it!" and then add all the negative things she can think of making this into a bad thing.

So if I have you on facebook and I am talking baby, it will be all listed under the notes where my family is blocked and can't read. lol! If anyone posts on the wall part I am removing it but then answering them by email so no one tracks what I've said. Smart eh? I'm smarter than my mom thinks I can guarentee ya that. I knew she'd try finding me on facebook since that's where Jennifer told her I posted my news at so I blocked her from finding me or my husband and I blocked Dave and I's friends so that if she did find me ever that she couldn't look at our friends. Jennifer is still on my list but I adjusted it so she can see only certain things. Hee hee!

So anyways i am waiting to hear back on my blood work and then we go from there on scheduling a new sono date. She wants to make sure we see a beating heart at least. I started taking my temperature even though I did not do that at all the past few months just so I can make sure I have a steady high temperature. So far since finding out it's ranged from 98.2-98.6 so I think we are good so far!

Day #3 Alittle Shock But A Whole Lot of Happiness

2009-04-03T16:23:00.003-05:00

It's so funny how this week has gone. Damien has been out of school all week due to the snow collapsing the roof at the school. The kids were all out Monday. Tuesday I did daycare with one of my old daycare kids and I was really thinking about doing it again on a daily basis. And then Wednesday morning, the day I was ready to lay some pranks on my kids and my husband, the ultimate prank was pulled over on myself. Slowly we are telling our close friends.....we'll wait on the family since they are usually never real supportive! We've been so out of touch lately with each other, just so busy with everything but this baby has definitely brought the romance back. Before and after work he's been loving on me with extra hugs and kisses. He's constantly telling me he loves me and I love him so so much too! We're both scared to freakin death of the surgery part but I know another baby was in our cards, just alittle earlier than planned!

I decided I'm going to just keep pushing forth on breastfeeding as much as it hurt like a mutha!! I really want to go as far as I can with her on it. I guess maybe another sign I had was about a week ago while breastfeeding my left boob felt tingly like I was letting down which hadn't happened in months. I was really surprised and I thought "wow, I must be doing it so often I got more milk!" because like I mentioned in a post below Sophia is nursing half the night while I sleep.

Anyways I am so excited now to tell everyone, we waited till 12 weeks with Sophia and I'm at 5 right now. Not sure when we will tell family. We shall see. I was really happy to hear that Dave is spreading the word at work. Makes me feel better that I'm not the only one!

April Foolin' the kids

2009-04-02T15:31:00.003-05:00

I was NOT going to let the kids go to school without pranking them yesterday. I told them they could have kool-aid for breakfast. They were happy about it so I gave them their glasses with straws. Alex sucked for about 15 seconds before realizing nothing was coming out of the straw. Then she started investigating and said "this isn't kool-aid, it's jello!!" I started laughing and said "April Fool's!" Dominic thought it was pretty cool holding the cups upside down and they wouldn't move. Damien after he found out it was jello still thought that if I acted like I was going to pour it on him, it was really going to happen and would run scream and duck away from the glass. It was really funny!

Day #2 of Disbelief!

2009-04-02T12:09:00.004-05:00

So it was an insane April fool's. I don't know about anyone else but God has such a sense of humor! He loves partaking in our lives so much and will actually pull one over on us! I was so sure yesterday's test was going to be negative...he got me, that's for sure!!

So this is how this came about. Basically I had a period on Feb 25th. We had sex once during the month then I got this terrible yeast infection because WHAT I THOUGHT was from taking antibiotics when I had an ear infection. Those are usually my first sign that I'm pregnant and I kept putting it off. I asked my husband to reassure me that this could not be true because first we only did it once and then I'm still breastfeeding and I have been pretty dried up down there, no signs of ovulation!! I think that was the day I had about lost it with the kids and told him I was sooo done! No more! He was laughing by that. So then we had done it 2 other times but those were just in the past week after the yeast infection disappeared. I figured by April I would test to put my mind at ease. I was just thinking it was the first of April yesterday, it had officially turned from March to April so I should test. There was nothing on my mind that I should test because of April Fool's day.

I took the test and wasn't even shaking because I knew it would be negative, all odds were against it! I watched the color bleed across and saw that positive. I started shaking and walked away saying there's no freakin way. Went back 5 seconds later to a clear purple plus sign. I grabbed the phone crying and called to tell him. By this time I was on the bathroom floor wailing and my poor daughter walked in asking what was wrong. I told her I was fine and go start on breakfast. I told him I didn't understand how this could be, I mean I did but how so easily, so many obstacles against it would it have?!?! He was going to come back home but i told him no. He kept saying he loved me and we were going to be fine!! I told him I wasn't worried about that, I'm worried about me and the C-sections! lol He said we would get through this and just try to hang in there but if I needed him he would come home. I got off the phone with him and instantly went into prayer. I I basically said thank you God! I am scared but I am sooo thankful! Even though this isn't our time it certainly was yours and you know best!

The day was crazy. Called my OB office which is quitting the OB part soon. They will work with me till week 14. I made 3 appointments and then called our new insurance which told me they are not in network. I lost it. They also said none of our family Dr's are in network. I was in shock. This new insurance at his work is $50 more a month! $450 is what we pay!! I cried and cried on the phone to my hubby who just sat there and said "what do you want me to do?" I told him to call someone at corporate and tell them!! He got them to give us the OB as an in network Dr but we will all have to switch to a different clinic with a different ped and family Dr for me and Dave. It really really sucks!!!!

So my first OB appt is April 6th and then on the 13th for a sono. This is so unreal! My due date is December 2nd so we'll have another baby before Christmas. Can you imagine? We still haven't played musical rooms here yet which means we still need bunk beds to put the boys together and then the girls will be in their room together. Alex is in the basement bedroom by herself. We need a bigger vehicle now because mine holds 7. Sophia will be 13.5 months when this baby arrives. I will tell you all that I had prayed to God for another baby the past few months. I honestly begged for another and told him I only wanted one though if Daddy was for it as well. Well Daddy is happy even though it threw us both for a loop but I guess I wasn't specific enough in stating my Dr says with C-sections we should wait atleast a year! Always be specific with prayer! lol

Last April Fools

2009-04-01T07:27:00.004-05:00

I was about 12 weeks pregnant and had cards delivered with a picture of our 4 saying #5 would be arriving by October. Well do you think I should go ahead and call everyone since I didn't have time to mail them and tell them #6 will be here by December? Yep, I took a test this morning and I am pregnant again. God is a silly man! I am so scared right now. I called my husband hysterically crying and my poor daughter woke up to me on the floor of the bathroom. She wants to know what is going on. I am happy, really I am, I am just truly scared about having another C-section so close to my last. This was definitely not the day to take a HPT!!!!! No one believes me! I'm going to have to take another picture of me, Sophia and the test so everyone can see I am not lying!! lol! This test though turned positive as soon as the purple started bleeding across the paper. I'm only on CD36 so not very far along.

Snowed In Weekend with 24 in and 5 Ft Drifts

2009-03-31T09:02:00.012-05:00

It was amazing to go from no snow all winter to so much just for the weekend. I was not looking forward to a blizzard at all. The kids came home early Friday because it was coming home thick plus it was sleeting which made it dangerous for the buses. By Sunday it started melting off since it was in the 50's but school was canceled Monday because of the massive snow amount on roofs, schools were checking to make sure everything was safe. There were a few that did cave in which is why I am doing daycare and watching one little girl this week. :)

God you are awesome and you know it. This storm was a huge blessing to our town. I know you had a huge smile on your face looking down on us all secretly enjoying it. Thank you for making us all stay home, cut out from our busy hectic lives to enjoy each other and everything that is truly important.

Sleeping In

2009-03-30T08:47:00.002-05:00

We have co-slept with all 5 kiddos. It works well for us since I nurse. However by 3 months the kids are sleeping through and can wait to eat till 7-8 am. Not Sophie. Maybe it's because she's a big girl but she has become REALLY bad about night nursing. I'm pretty much doing it from 3 am-6 am. Yes, the whole time. Sleeping myself mostly through it. As soon as I get her loose she wakes up and starts pressing on me trying to give me a clue. So I've started turning around laying on the very edge of the bed there by the alarm to get away from her. She then starts scratching my back, kicking me, or doing that thing that sounds like a laugh but it's really that she's annoyed you aren't figuring out what she's wanting. She started sleeping through at 4 weeks and now for the past 2 months I've been having to do this. Do you think she knows how to get her way at 5 1/2 months? The only good part is that usually by 6:30 I can get up and then she'll sleep till 9:30 like a log.

Something I Said I Would Never Do

2009-03-25T13:11:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a busy day. I cleaned as much as I could in the morning, prepared our Brownie meeting in between the cleaning/taking care of the kids and remembered our school district was putting on a Health Fair for the students and families. I called up one of my playgroup mommies from church asking if she would want to go with me since there was freebies! She said yes so I went to pick her up.

It was 2:30 when the 6 of us finally got to the administration building. I was a little worried about us showing up so late because my minivan only holds 7 so I didn't know how I was going to take them home. I told her we'd need to leave by 3:30 to be sure we beat the bus to my house because the kids would be home by 3:45-3:50. We lost track of time, the boys were having a good time and the next thing I knew it was 3:40. I think I threw the kids in the van in like 2 minutes flat and then we flew to my house. We actually followed the bus home and she dropped off my kids who ran to the door trying to break it down not even noticing we were behind the bus.

When Alex realized we were pulling in the driveway, she ran over to the garage door, entered the code and went in. Don't know why I was so worried!! Geesh! I told Camille I would be back and went in to talk to Alex and Dom. I explained to them that I only had enough room for 1 more person in the car and I needed to take Camille and her son home so I wondered if Alex would be ok with staying home alone for about 20 minutes so I could run them into town. Well Dominic didn't think it was cool that Alex could stay home and he couldn't. He didn't want to come with me at all and made a stink. So I told them both they could go ahead and stay home but they had to be big kids and follow my rule of not going to the door if anyone rang or knocked. They had to hide. lol They agreed. They also had a cell phone to call me on if they were scared or something was going on.

I went back, got in the car, told Camille the plan, and we left. lol! I can't believe I did it but they are almost 9 and 6. Alex is very mature and Dominic has really grown up as well. We drove to town and dropped them off and I came right back. 10 minutes there and 10 back. I had a 1,000 questions when I walked in. Interrogating if anyone had called or came by, what they did, etc. Alex says "Mom, you weren't gone long, we just watched TV. We were FINE!"

I called Daddy and told him what I had done. He wasn't happy because we had recently discussed leaving Alex home for short errands if she wanted to and he was totally against it. I had asked Alex about then and she said it would be fun so I was pretty sure when asking yesterday she'd say she wanted to. I know sometimes the kids hate running errands. I would never leave the 3 younger ones home with them. I think though maybe for short trips to the bank or a drive thru we'll probably try this again. I must be starting to loosen up because I swore I'd never let them stay home alone till they were 12. lol

Green Eggs and Ham!

2009-03-18T09:07:00.003-05:00

I told the kids for St. Patrick's Day I would make some green eggs and ham. The kids love the book and I thought it would be fun to actually make some and then see if the kids would eat it. Alex was not real impressed. It really did look hideous! They had green ham, green scrambled eggs, green pineapple and green kool-aid. For dessert green iced cupcakes. The result was clean plates. I told Dave I'm going to dye our dinner tonight blue. lol

Another new chapter!

2009-03-13T14:57:00.002-05:00

If you have a grade schooler, the forms have probably started coming home. The forms telling of all the fun summer activities to help a parent out. Or as I refer to it: activites-to-keep-them-busy-so-they-don't-kill-each-other. We do swimming and ball every summer however this year Alexzandra enters a WHOLE new league. Camp. Yep my first is graduating 3rd grade which means there are a wide variety of camps she can go to...not just little one day camps.....week long camps! She is really excited about these opportunties however she is still a girl, and a shy girl at that and she may chicken out at the last minute.

There are 3 camps coming up that she is interested in. 4 H which would be the furthest away in Junction City, KS which would be her favorite because of horseback riding. Then there's church camp which is not far from us at all, a whole week with her friends from church! And last Girl Scout camp which is about a 30 minute drive away. I'm hoping my sister will be willing to send her daughter to a few of them so that Alex would want to go. I know if they were to stick together, she would be ok. I can already imagine driving 3 hours to Rock Springs, paying $95 for camp only to have her change her mind when we get there. lol She's got another couple months to decide though. It's pretty exciting for me to see her going into this next stage of childhood!

Alive and Well!

2009-03-05T13:07:00.003-06:00

I've been meaning to post but have just been busier than ever. First Damien is sick again. He's been sick since Monday throwing up and just under the weather. I am pretty sure he's got the 7 day bad flu just the way he's ran a fever and the puking has not let up. I've left the house twice this week only when Daddy has came home, once to Girl Scouts and the other was last night to the store. The good thing is, I finally am able to clean puke without puking myself. It's taken almost 9 years to accomplish this feat!! The poor boy has been puking about 15 + times each day so I think I've just got myself used to it.

I was supposed to have a follow up appointment yesterday on myself but had to cancel due to Damien. They did call me with my lab results though. All blood work pertaining to Graves Disease and Diabetes was negative which is so relieving to hear! It's been over 2 weeks now that I've been taking Prozac and it's helped quite a bit which is scary. I do not want to have to be on pills to feel ok. I feel much better about myself, can actually clean and do things! I still hate my husband's hours but what can ya do. I decided to just breastfeed on demand and cut out all the pumping and trying to stay ahead of Sophia. I'm alot happier now with breastfeeding than I ever have been with any of my kids. I give her two 4 oz bottles of formula a day without cringing and hating myself for it. She is a big girl so I'm just going to have to supplement and not feel bad about it.

Tomorrow is the end of this year's Girl Scout cookie saga. I've received a few parent's payments on their girl's orders. After I gather everyones, I will make the enormous grand deposit in the bank and be done!! So much stress and it's all completely volunteer!

Sumo Sophie

2009-02-25T14:20:00.003-06:00

We went in today for a 4 month visit...with shots. Yuck. Sophia is now 16lbs and 25 1/2 inches. Mia went in with us for her 2 year and she's 27.5 lbs and 37.5 inches. I have some pretty big girls! I like knocking out 2 kids appointments at once even though they are more frustrating when adding more kids into the mix. Sophia did pretty well. After shots we gave her the Rotovirus syrup which made her calm down. Mia however rebelled against having her head circumference measured, her height taken, and having her mouth looked into. She continuely tried biting and kicking us. I told the nurse the only way I could get her to do any of this was to get physical so she said "go for it." I ended up holding her down and prying her mouth open during the appointment while she growled "no way" over and over. She also kept trying to open the door and run away. She's learned way too much from her brothers.

Dear Daddy:

2009-02-24T14:33:00.002-06:00

The few nights ago when I came to bed after taking my first pill you were really upset and said you felt like this was all your fault. That broke my heart. I told you then but again please know that it is not. Your work is demanding and yes it is very hard on me but I should be able to get through a day without you and get things around here done. When you are home, you help me through what I needed to do. You take over, you let me leave, you are always there for me every night with hugs asking what you can do since I'm always so sore and tired. I love you so much for trying to make this all easier. It means the world to me.

Loving Him More and More Each Day

2009-02-23T14:32:00.002-06:00

I never want to forget last night. We were watching the new episode of Big Love. Sarah, the daughter on the show who was pregnant was in the bathroom in the middle of the night and was discovered by one her mom's Nikki. When she flung open the door she found her miscarrying on the toilet. Dave left the room in tears and went to the bathroom. Of course I started crying on the couch from my own lovely memories. :( I tracked him down and we just gave each other big sobbing hugs. I'm glad to know 5 years later it still hurts him just as much as it hurts me.

6!!!

2009-02-23T13:51:00.006-06:00

Dom's birthday party was Saturday and it went great! I won't lie, I was a stressed out mess cleaning and preparing for it but I made it through. This was our first "friend" party at our house on the inside. Alex had a pool party once but since it's winter this was in the basement. It's alittle tricky because our house is only 2000 sq ft. We have a full basement though that's a bit roomier than the rest of the house. Alex's room is in the basement along with the laundry, bar, pool table, Foosball table and we have a 2nd living area. The kids kind of split between Foosball and the Wii games. Dominic has a crush on the little red head we believe. He wanted so badly to call Sophia "Megan" when she was born. I discovered when going to the school one day there was this girl in his class named Megan and he was quick to introduce us. lol

We just bought that Outdoor Wii game with the mat and it is alot of fun! If you have a Wii I recommend it! The mat is for 2 players. Alex and I love the log jump.

Two Happy Little Kiddos

2009-02-19T09:06:00.004-06:00

This is what happens when you go to Walmart and Target in search of end cap clearance. Birthdays after Christmas ROCK for mom's and dad's! Should have paid $240 but paid $117.00 and they were both things the kids wanted. :)

Nintendo DS, Oh How I Love Thou

2009-02-18T17:26:00.004-06:00

Today was my appointment. Fun fun! A friend from playgroup watched the 3 little ones for me so I could go. My husband bought me a Nintendo DS for Valentine's Day and the game Brain Age. It was so fun sitting there and playing games while waiting! I was so happy to have that thing today because I was there for 2.5 hours!! By the time I got home Camille was watching my whole herd. lol

To my Dr, I am a classic PPD case. We did blood work to see if my blood sugar or thyroid is out of whack. My grandpa is Diabetic and my mother, grandpa and uncle have Grave's Disease so I usually do blood work once a year anyways. It's always came out ok, we'll hope for the same this time around. He did tell me being pregnant back to back so many times can really mess with a woman. I guess your body can take a full year to fix the hormonal issues from a pregnancy and I'm usually pregnant before the last few kids even turned a year old. I told him some of the issues have lingered forever so maybe that's why?? I just have always figured being a mom it's normal to be tired, cranky, sore. The excessive crying out of the blue was really the only big thing that triggered me to think something else was going on. Being paranoid or fearing things usually puts me in tears as well. He really wants me to quit breastfeeding. Thinks it's doing more harm to me than good. I hate breastfeeding but I "need" to do it. I think I owe it to her to hang in there as long as possible. I've gained about 10 lbs the past few months and I've never had weight gain when breastfeeding either so if I quit I really worry about what might happen then.

So here's his plan. Exercise, date nights (lol), quit breastfeeding, counseling, and Prozac...seriously. He really thinks I'm stressed out and wants me to make time for myself and for Dave. I don't think people get it that it's HARD to do this. I have to go back in 2 weeks for a follow up. I don't think this is the best time for me to quit breastfeeding. I think that's just going to make matters worse because I can tell you from the past 4 experiences I get really upset when I have to quit. Even though I hate breastfeeding it will kill me to quit. So that's the plan.

My husband called when I first arrived. He told me just so I know he is not mad at me. I was a bit confused why he was telling me this but apparently last night he had a stuffy nose and got up quite a few times to the bathroom for medicine, Kleenex and every time he got up I would say "you aren't mad at me are you?" He said I kept saying it over and over and I have no knowledge of this. So not only am I paranoid while awake, now I'm even paranoid in my sleep. I'm just a big screwed up mess! lol

Is This It???

2009-02-17T07:58:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Parent-Teacher Conferences and a VERY busy day around here. I missed playgroup but picked up 1500 boxes of cookies then Dave ended up driving from work straight to conferences while I kept the kids since I never found a sitter. While he was gone I fed the kids and then he took Alex to her 4H Club meeting. It was an exhausting day!

When Dave came home after Parent Teacher conferences he told me that Dominic's teacher said we should think about holding Dominic back due to his "maturity level." He was not happy it all and neither was I after hearing it. He said he must have gave her a dirty look because she said this is optional however he's not up to par with the class. His grades are pretty average it's just his attention, actions and behavior in the classroom. This is a sad sad day because it's becoming more and more clear that now we may have to do something about it. For 2 years now the option of medicine has always been there but I've put it off because seriously, who really wants to dope up their kid everyday? And I really don't want him acting any different than himself....well maybe a little less strange and less hyper but I don't want a zombified child. My uncle who's son has ADHD and Autism and told me over and over don't let the school win the battle and how much he regret putting his son on meds and now I'm afraid this battle is about to begin. He had 2 1/2 years of Early intervention preschool before Kindergarten, has a mid school birthday. He'd be a 7 year old Kindergartner. He was also told because of State budget cuts that any hope of summer schooling to keep him from sliding is out the door so I'll probably be forking out for Sylvan.

When I asked Dave about at least "trying" the medicine the answer was a quick no. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like everything/everyone is against me at the moment.

Down To The Bottom Of This

2009-02-13T13:00:00.005-06:00

Have you ever noticed how back and forth this blog is? Yesterday was a bad, bad day. Why? No reason at all but I cried all day. By 5 pm my shoulders and neck were killing me. At 7 pm I text'd Dave to ask if he was on his way yet and the answer back was he hadn't even left the office. By 9 pm, 14 hours from when I last saw him he came in the door. Went to bed around 11:15, I fell asleep around 1.

Yesterday morning after the crying started I decided to mosey online and look up depression. Sadly I'm afraid that may be my problem. People here and everywhere else have tried telling me this but I like to tune out what I don't want to hear. ;) I've seem to sunk into this hole ever since Sophia came. Some days I feel fine but then others I'm just sobbing uncontrollably. It was kinda like that while I was pregnant with her too but I'd say the past few months it's been worse. I just can't see how you can have depression and be both happy and sad. I am happy quite a bit.

I was given surveys after her birth. It's kind of stupid to give a survey to someone who believes everything is fine though. I could sway it any way I wanted to infact I probably did. My OB office was on the ball at my 6 week postpartum appointment but when people accuse or question you of something you don't want to believe..... you just lie or tend to not believe it I guess because you don't think it's that big of a deal. Dave called my OB office yesterday and they told him this is no longer PPD, it's another type of depression and I have to get in immediately. Stephanie whom I have lied to numerous times (if you remember I gave her a hug saying I was fine last i saw her in November) called me and told me she wasn't surprised to hear something was still going on and it's ok! No it's not. This is not OK! She told me I can't keep going on believing things happening are normal which in a way I suppose they aren't. Then she gave me a on the phone survey (insert rolling eyes) and said she was happy to hear I wasn't thinking of killing any family or myself.

So now I have an appt with my GP Doctor to figure this out. I really don't know. I wish there was a way I could say I was making this all up. I really don't want anyone to think I'm depressed because I'm a mom of 5 and my kids are running me into the grave. Yes there's stress but it's not the kids. I think I've said that more times than I can count when people have CAUGHT me upset. It's just common assumption she's upset because she's put herself in this place. It's so hard to explain. Honestly I really can't explain myself.

Some things I guess that had been happening that I know aren't normal is just these deep thoughts. This whole idea that Dave has been messing around with a girl in the office has been going on for quite a while, about a year, but it's CONSUMED me to where I think about it all the time and I accused him upfront on about 3 occasions the past year putting us both in tears. He leaves for work and I start having this huge fear or panic that he's going to be in an accident or he's never coming back and I just can't live without him. But then i sit around and think...if I wanted to leave, how could I because I'm a mom of 5, no job, no money...I'm trapped. I don't want to leave him at all though. I think all day about tragedy friends or others are facing in their lives alot too. Dave gets so fed up of me on a daily basis always being "tired" but i just am. I have no energy for anything, I would rather stay home clean rather than even attempt to get the kids in the car and go to a bank or food drive thru. He wants to go out by ourselves and I want to stay home. I look at this house and think everyday how bad it looks and how I need to clean or do this and that but I just don't want to. I do clean it but it's not how I want it to look, it's not as clean as I want it. I feel like I'm a failure cleaning it. I feel like I'm a failure to Dave. Pretty much worthless I suppose which is always where the screwing around would come in. Don't think badly of him but most guys would like a nice dinner prepared when they come home from work and I want to but I can't even plan dinner or set out meat ahead of time. I'm constantly forgetting everything. I hear "but mommy you said......." sooooooo many times in a week. You have no idea how this kills me that I'm not keeping up with the kids and I'm letting them down. I feel like I let down Sophia because I'm supplementing her now. I can't sleep anymore at all. The past 3 nights have been horrible. Last night I must have been waking every 10-20 minutes looking at the clock and laying back down. Then here I am today, doing ok not many tears for the most part but having this awful neck pain again. There's so much more after looking into depression I didn't realize what I was experiencing could be what it was. Weight gain since having Sophia, stomach aches, my neck killing me, headaches, lashing out, and of course the problems in the bedroom which I discussed a few weeks back. It seems I have everything wrong except killing myself or someone. lol Ugh, what a mess.

Anyways so that's where I'm at and we'll see where this appointment leads me, and Dave because I think I'm dragging him along for the ride.

Spring Is In The Air....Already!

2009-02-10T12:47:00.004-06:00

The weather we've been having here in Kansas for February has been awesome. We've had some rain and lots of sun, temperatures in the 60's! Therefore because of the weather, I have a ton of projects going on in my head. This year's garden being number one. I can't wait to start pumpkins again this year!!! I would like to start chickens this year but we'll see. My farm boy father laughs at all my self-sustaining ideas but he knows I usually always follow through with what I say I'm going to do!

Anyways I was a bit shocked the other day when my husband suggested since it's been nice out that we take the kids out to a farm nearby who homes around 80 + rescued Arabian horses and see about adopting. He personally knows this lady through work and she has invited us to come look, he's been there, but the rest of us haven't. Dave knows how much I've been wanting another but he's always wanted to wait so for him to just bring it up out of the blue kinda blew me away! I'm so excited! She has a broke 8 year old that sounds perfect for Alex and 4 H. Hopefully we will be able to go this Saturday. His suggestion this past weekend was on Sunday which is church and our small group that evening so we didn't go. I know Echo will be so excited to have a friend other than 3 loud barking dogs.

Another One Joins The Bunch

2009-02-10T10:04:00.004-06:00

Well Dominic had his follow up on his eye exam yesterday. At his first visit his eyes when scanned showed a swollen right eye. 3 weeks later it's still swollen but our Dr could do the eye exam this time. Apparently when one eye gets weak it crosses which was the problem I initially took him in for. However to correct the weak eye he has to have glasses, strong prescription I guess on that side. Anyone have experience with this?

Last night trying on glasses I couldn't help but laughing. He's so darn cute but it's funny seeing our kids wearing glasses. He was super excited about getting a case for his glasses. Picked out a red one with a dragon on it.

4 years ago.....

2009-02-06T16:09:00.002-06:00

This blog was created. Honestly I never thought I'd still be blogging this long. This blog has changed quite a bit from what it was. In the beginning was a Mom who muddled through day by day feeling lonely, sad about everything but her sweet loving kids. Now I'm not even sure what it is except another mom blog but I'm much happier with things. I think the stress of daycare was really getting to me and even though we've lost money from me not working at all, the past 2 years since I quit have been awesome. I've had more time with my kids, more time with friends. I've grown 3 babies on this blog, I've blogged my journey of diagnosing Dominic, I've blogged my highs and lows of everything. I've shared probably more than I should have!

I appreciate everyone hanging out for the ride and helping me get through each day!!

"I Neeeeed Help!! Speaka de English?!?!"

2009-02-05T09:51:00.005-06:00

I feel like screaming this at my husband on a daily basis. I need some help girls, I don't know how or what but sisterly help would be appreciated. I feel so terrible this morning. Last night after watching some hot and heavy action on Nip Tuck, we made our way to bed. Like everynight (yes every night) he asked if we would be able to do anything in which I told him like 99% of the time, "I'm really tired." We cuddled up, he tried soooo hard kissing my neck and rubbing my back, it felt great......and like always.... I fell asleep. He tries and tries and tries and I go to sleep everytime. I feel so bad for him. It's to a point where he doesn't want to try anymore because he just knows. We used to do the deed 4-5 times a week, now we're lucky if it's 1. This morning before he left for work he asked for his kiss and I gave him a huge hug and told him how sorry I was in which he told me "don't worry about it, it's ok." I don't think it is at all. I feel like I'm failing him. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't have the energy to. He used to get so upset about this a few kids back. To a point where he'd go sleep on the couch. I think now he's just realizing it's not going to change and pouting does nothing. What do I do?!?! Don't suggest Mountain Dew right before bed because I have tried tons of caffeine and it doesn't help at all. Sadly the best (and most ackward) time we have sex now is on a Sunday morning before church while the kids are screaming and running around in the front room.